March 22, 2023


Hey everyone so i am crazy close to being done i’m on my final hold and i’m sitting at zero point zero seven milligrams come on open and yeah it is let’s see it is the six and i’m holding through the ninth and i’ll start pulling again on the tenth mm-hmm my last dose will be taken on the 16th so yeah crazy crazy close this is like that time i don’t the sheet that

I’ve been through and yeah almost done i even have the dates written down for my date my poles because i’m that close that everything is wow it’s it’s almost done you’ll have been approximately ten months since my cold turkey well since i started getting rapid tapered off and seven months since i started my taper so i figured i would since my next video is just

Gonna be me taking my last dose and i wasn’t gonna do anything other than that in that one i figured i would run over some of the symptoms that i still have now it’s not a complete list but majority of the things are i would say annoying or irritating or uncomfortable but they’re not like life-altering type things you know i’m not well but i’m not super super ill

Anymore so i’m gonna run over those really quick and and hopefully i won’t take too awfully long doing that let’s see we’ll start with some of the irritating ones try to go and order here i just kind of jotted things down i am hungry constantly i don’t know if that’s because i wasn’t eating well or you know my appetite has not been good and so now it’s like my body’s

Making up for it i’m not sure but i can eat a full meal and a half an hour later i’m absolutely starving my skin and is still extremely dry flaking i cannot hydrate enough exterior ly exteriorly topically or drinking water nothing seems to help it still losing a lot of hair but look like it but i am more than i’m supposed to be the light and sound sensitivity is

Still there however the tv and phone lights and things like that seem to be more intense than the outdoor light although i haven’t been outside in full sunlight yet but i’ve been outdoors and since my last video and it was much better than it was my startle reflex is still pretty intense at times sometimes i don’t even notice something and other times i’m jumping

Out of my skin for absolutely no reason i’m still really really really irritable you have said in one of my previous videos that i was more of an angry person and i let frustrations out prior to being on vince’s butt or on klonopin but i don’t know if that’s resurfacing or if this is with role related so we’ll have to see if that fades my sleep is slowly getting

Better i’m still being woken up by the most my new things but on the other hand i’m sleeping through other things that should be waking me up so that’s just a hit-or-miss issue i’m not sleeping as long as i need to but it’s seems to be heading in that direction so i’m hoping that continues fatigue the fatigue is still there but it’s different i’ve said in several

Videos i think that taking a shower is a chore it’s no longer a chore it doesn’t have that same sense of overwhelming exhaustion just to wash my hair and and get in the shower and the heat of the shower doesn’t bother me anymore like it did to the point of getting dizzy and wanting to you know feel like i’m gonna pass out kind of feelings so that’s a good thing

The other thing with the fatigue is some days it’s it feels pretty moderate and then other days like monday i got out and did a couple of quick mini hikes but they both added together they it was about a mile and a half of walking which is a lot for me further for what i’ve not been doing lately my last real hike was in april of last year and that was about a three

Mile hike but extremely steep this was not steep at all and there were a lot of stairs but it wasn’t steep steep the the other one was about 1,500 feet in a mile and a half so or a mile and a quarter this one was not like that um sorry but yeah i hadn’t done that in a really really long time so that was awesome of course the couple days after that it’s friday now

So tuesday and wednesday we’re a bit touchy and it’s my time so i’m having issues with that that are intensifying other things right now so i think if that wasn’t happening and i wasn’t recouping from the hike i think that i would be feeling a lot better than i am right now so let’s see some more cuts um some cognitive things that haven’t faded much comprehension

Issues memory especially short-term is really really intense concentration i’m all over the map i cannot stay focused on one thing for very long or if somebody’s talking to me i totally i just can’t i can’t stay on track i have to ask them to repeat themselves constantly word recall is a big one when i’m not truly focused i can’t help you in the middle of a sentence

And i cannot pick out one word and it could be a simple word like toast or paper i mean it just it’s like it just isn’t there for me to choose from indecisiveness is a kind of part of that i guess and it’s not just not being able to decide on something it’s everything at a point of you know having to go over lists and things in my head to try to figure out what i

Want and i still can’t figure it out when it comes to food my husband and i’ll be talking about dinner or what’s to eat and he’ll run down a full list and okay we have this we have this we have this and i’m going no no no i mean i just can’t i can’t decide anything nothing sounds good but yet i’m eating constantly so let’s see my jaw and teeth um i clamped down

And i had tmj before but this is a like chewing on my cheeks you know like constantly if i’m not talking or eating or sleeping i am chewing on my cheeks or i am clenching my jaw and it’s not very well for my teeth i have to make a dentist appointment sometime in the near future because i have cracked a tooth and lost a piece of it from all of the clenching i don’t

Have the true anxiety that that many people experience but i think this is ten and maybe like a nervousness that happens because when i get concerned about something i do tend to do it even more so i don’t i don’t know still having stomach issues but it’s it’s just a hit or miss come and go kind of thing it’s not chronic and constant like it was slow lower gi

Issues but i don’t expect those to go away i have that in the past this was just intensified it’s still intensified so i’m hoping the intensity goes away but i don’t expect the full issue to go away head neck tension it’s not all the time anymore or very very frequently anymore but when it happens it’s really really intense in my shoulders and my neck and it goes

Up my head like like tendrils on most i guess and almost like the strings that are being pulled all at once and there’s just this huge tightness and and cramping almost of the muscles my continuous motion that ice-t– mentioned and i think the last video or the one before that when i’m walking and i stopped and i feel like i’m still walking that is gone completely

It’s just gone and my dizziness i’m hoping is gone have not been dizzy a single time since monday since the hike which is intriguing and i wonder if it’s due to me getting some exercise it could be previous to that between the hike and the last video i made probably two or three times i got pretty dizzy so yeah i’m hoping that’s gone that’s excellent that is faded

That’s all i have on my list i’m sure there’s other little ones but even even on that list some of them are just like i said annoying or irritating type thing they’re not anything to write home about they’re not anything that’s you know life altering or preventing me from from doing anything so gonna keep trying to get out i’m gonna try to get out again either

Sunday or monday depending on when family can get together my immediate family one of my husband has time off that kind of thing so wow i think that’s it so yeah you know even though these things are minimal and and or just an irritating issue i didn’t have them before unless i mentioned otherwise and so that’s why i mention them as a as a symptom i’m sure i left

Some things out but i’m too excited about being done i’m too excited about being so close and that things are going away it’s unbelievable you know and and i i feel like this took forever i feel like this was never ever ever going to end and you just you feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel that you feel like there’s no way out of this you feel like

You’re never gonna get better it’s never gonna stop and it does you may be ill after your taper you may be ill all the way down on your taper you may have windows throughout your taper but it will end it does get better it does whether you’re like me and as you get lower you start getting better and you can see the way out or maybe it’s gonna take a little longer

But it does get better it really does so don’t give up don’t give up hope always know that you’re gonna get through it eventually you really really are you know even even protracted people have moments where things get better or have symptoms that drop off so there is a healing process and things are healing they are getting better sometimes it just takes longer

So hang in there stay strong as you can go day by day and you’ll get through it you’ll get through it you need support go look you know on facebook for support groups i belong to a very very good facebook group and you know they’re out there they’re out there find one that works for you find one that you feel comfortable in find one that is active find one that

You know has has people that that you can relate to and that you can speak with and talk to and know that you’re not alone that’s one of the reasons i did this was to to allow people to understand that there’s hope to allow people to understand they’re not alone and that it’s okay and that even if our closest people in our lives don’t get it or don’t believe you

We’re out there we’re out there and we believe you and it’s gonna be okay you’re gonna get through it so my next video won’t be me talking at you like this it’s gonna be a little more involved and yeah i can’t wait so i will talk to you guys then i love you all

Transcribed from video
35. Almost Done, Symptoms Fading (benzodiazepine, benzo, klonopin, clonazepam) By Benzodiazepine Taper