December 9, 2022

I speak about my struggles with adhd, and coming to terms as with it it’s been a ride since I’ve been diagnosed I’m now on meds (dextroamphetamine for adhd) this video is as raw as i could put it, I’m sorry it’s so long but i promise if your struggling with adhd this is a good video to watch you may feel the same way as me and can help out each other

I’m struggling hey guys so the other day i went to the gp to get a referral to see a ath doctor psychiatrist i’m not sure they i thought well i saw one and i got an adhd diagnosis since i got the diagnostic every day a lot has run through my head with adhd i always fought bad until i did more research into it i’m gonna be as real as i can but iv hd is hard since

Getting the diagnosis it has explained everything oh my disorganization not being able to hold focus getting distracted by everything always interrupting people i annoy my partner a lot like we will be sitting down watching a movie and i will be keep getting up and there was having asked one time i sat down watched a movie forefinger was about five minutes i got

Up into the dishes i came back when i realized i were watching a movie t together i went and used the bathroom then i came back and then i went and got food i made dinner and while doing that we’ll probably only in like 20 minutes into the movie it’s annoying and it annoys me dad i can’t just sit down and focus and if there is a psychiatrist whatever it’s called

Has gave me a prescription for medications which right now at this time i haven’t gone into mail yet but i’m terrified to stop the meds and i’m trying to look up treatment for adhd but but the main things i can’t first in google it’s all these type of medications which i’m scared of medications because i don’t want them to change me a lot i feel like they make

It’s so stupid but like so once being as scared as thinking that the whole of me is going to change when i notice not the fact but this is a big factor of my life like i’ve always interrupted people i thought that was normal but now i’m turning 20 this year this year is 2020 by the way now i’m turning 20 and i’m realizing people have grown outgrown interrupting

Other people people are a lot more organized than i am people can also really stay on task it kind of feels like you’re watching everyone and you can’t do it i want to be able to do those things i try so hard to do those things i don’t like interrupting people because i know it’s rude and i’m sorry if i’m look like i’m getting emotional i am this has just been

Something i’ve struggled with for a lot of years and i haven’t known the reason why i’ve just always hated myself i’ve always been like why am i like this why can’t i change myself i’m i don’t know how to change myself the things that i’ve tried haven’t really worked like meditating helped me calm down back when i did it but i skipped one day and then i forgot to

Do it and i’m gonna try and do meditating again and i’m gonna see if it actually still helps me now that i’m technically an adult oh feel like an i love to be honest editing videos so many times when i edit a video i just zone out for so long or i see myself just grabbing the computer and doing something else and completely forgetting that i have a camera right in

Front of me for an example before we started this video i said on my camera kept my camera is on the tripod right now i have my mic on my camera all that is set up then i went to my tv which is right which is right behind my camera and i started looking up adhd videos mainly to get inspiration on this video and to heal other people struggles as well to know that

I’m not alone cuz right before i started this video i was having i was having a hard time to be honest i don’t ever mean to interrupt people i interrupt my boyfriend on a daily base i don’t mean to while he’s watching tv to walk back and forth in front of him all the time my stuff is all on this side i of the couch i always keep my computer and my phone and just

Everything so i always have to work like back and forth in front of him and i do it so much and i know i do but i keep getting distracted by something and the minute i see something my brain is like oh there’s a scene like even right now for an example there’s a candle i really want you to light this candle right now i’m not going to because i’m in the middle of

This video that smells actually really nice you know what’s funny is i didn’t so many people are gonna see that that would just stage it wasn’t dead set that ass i can’t put it a lid back on it wasn’t i don’t like that i keep getting distracted by things i don’t like that icon hug focus and i don’t like that i interrupt everybody it is hard it is considered rude

And then it’s considered inconsiderate and i don’t mean to do any of those things half the time know like almost all the time i don’t even realize i do it when i really want to tell someone something i fidget like crazy or if i’m sitting next to my boyfriend and i really want to tell somebody is in mid-sentence i might like bounce rock just to do that as a fidget

Or a stimming thing rocking is stimming for me anyway which is part of my other disability which is a physical disability i have been diagnosed with two disabilities as well you can see video about that if you want to so right now i’ve been diagnosed with free disabilities and this is polly just of rambley video but i want to get this out there so people like me

Don’t feel alone cuz right now i’m an adult who has just had a neighbor’s drive past because i just got home i really want to get this video out there because i feel like this and i can’t find a lot of videos that are like this that are so just raw and right now i’m in the middle of having mental health dramas i guess my bitter i would like i’m just freaking out

Overthinking everything over here i’m so glad that i have a adhd diagnosis and i can now understand why i do things the way i do but having a third disability sounds like a lot doesn’t it and cmt and adhd thinking back has been my main problems in life i remember back in high school went back there one of my likes low score just friends i remember biting into her

Like biting into her conversation and i’m going i am so sorry i just cut you off mid-sentence and she goes that’s okay majority of people do that and she got really down i didn’t like that i don’t like it i you know a lot of swearing you tube but to flip at the word i really really really really really real hate it it’s an everyday struggle this isn’t a yeah i

Lose things now and again and jess sometimes i interrupt things i did it every single day my boyfriend can vouch for that if he was here pulling get the camera and go yet i don’t want to come off rude and i know thinking back through high school mainly mainly high school because well really i come remember a lot of my primary school i don’t know why but i just

Can’t and i don’t like it i remember always cutting people up i remember always being that kid who couldn’t understand couldn’t grasp did simple things i remember kids always looking at me being like did you really just accent or i remember kids saying to me like how do you not understand that i just explained it in the most simplest form i tell people to explain

It to explain stuff to me like i’m a little child just so i can grasp it properly i don’t like that it’s what for me nonetheless but i hate it it’s half i don’t want to be treated like a child and talk down to like a child but i can’t grasp anything if people don’t dumb it down like i was a little kid it’s so annoying losing things all the time and miss placing

Even if it’s right in front of me like i’m we’ve all done that’s where we’re like where’s this thing i’ve lost it and it’s right in your hand while living with my boyfriend which i have lived with him for now three four months max i don’t see him lose anything ever he remembers where everything is if he puts down something he won’t forget in like two seconds if i

Put down something i have to tell him where i put it down if i if i really need to know that i need to remember it or else i’m gonna forget where it is i should have a spot where i put things but it’s like my phone i take my phone everywhere it’s like my earphones they go in my handbag when i go out for walk so i can listen to music they go into the bed so i can

Watch videos at nighttime and they hear mainly at the couch right now i think they’re in bed they’re not even in bed they are i don’t actually know my earphones are que simple they’re not in my hand because i haven’t used my hair back they’re right here they’re under my blanket with my bracelet i edit down a lot of my videos to cut out this type of thing kind of

Nice to finally do a video on where i can show these things because man my videos are so long i’m sorry this video some ranty but i want to get it out there to know mainly to get stuff off my chest i know you guys you’re not my counseling session but you also know that other people this is what i’ve gone through when i’m just got a diagnosis like not even a week

Ago the more that i am researching having adhd the more that i’m clicking in with things and that’s also making me struggle more being like oh my gosh that’s me wait this isn’t normal it’s not what everyone does this is a thing right back in high school i thought that i would grow out of it by now clearly heaven you don’t really need a pillow on a couch but this

Catch is really comfy that’s really nice to sleep on sometimes oh i did again i’m not trying i promise you you guys will probably think that this is super stage but i don’t want to come off as it’s staged that is what i’m actually really scared with posting this right now is i don’t want it to come off at some stage this is an everyday thing i don’t like getting

Distracted by small thing i don’t like coming off fruit and inconsiderate i really hate it guys this is very hard to come to terms with it’s not hardly kind of turns with but this is i now know that like you know what i’ve been doing just isn’t what everyone does and like that i don’t like that i do not like that at all i know people can relate to people with

Adhd yeah maybe the kid you center up you’ve lost you lose things now and again it’s not now and again for me i’m losing things at least minimum like once or twice an hour if an hour maybe every 30 minutes it’s not fun and i hope that if i do choose to actually start my medication because i’m so terrified of it it will help but there’s also the trial and errors

With medication that if i take this medication and it muc side with me mentally i’ve had really my mentor say that’s been getting really bad and i’m not gonna get into that maybe one day i’ll post a video on it but i’m not gonna get into it i don’t want to get more depressed and i’m scared of those side effects to trial and run it’s terrifying it sounds like such

A long process that i dunno when i go through i don’t like feeling stupid i feel stupid a lot i do i feel stupid so much mainly cuz i can’t grow some normal things i don’t like being the dumb kid and you can comment saying that i’m not it i don’t grasp things like other people do like i’ve said and i know that i’m not d like i can look at my boyfriend and i

Can think about him and i can be so jealous i don’t understand i do understand where i can’t focus on things what i don’t understand is how to just focus there’s an online program that my boyfriend showed me where you can do a game development like short course it’s just making a really small easy game i’m still at like sage to or free of that i haven’t even made

The maze yet i’m still blowing how the program works keep in mind this isn’t like a hot program at all honestly the last thing i got up to i think was just putting the ball down on the program i haven’t even finished that and i programs like super short it’s very short if i was really focused on it i could probably get done maybe this is a very new program to me

Maybe free hours because i’m still learning like where everything is in the program i haven’t done that program in days and when i was doing it it’s taken me so many hours to get to where i’m at competi where my boyfriend was doing it and how many hours it took him comparing yourself isn’t fun and it’s not good for your self-love like for your mental state and i

Know that you need to use it to fuel yourself in order to want to change and better yourself but it’s just finland – i want to change it better myself but i’m also how can i do it why am i doing this like it’s those type of feelings which i hope make sense also lundi other data apparently sorry i can’t read that but that’s a saying i heard the everyday that adhd

Has anger is it true which explains where i’m being like a nappy to my boyfriend out of nowhere which i hate that and i love him so much and he doesn’t deserve that also he doesn’t nothing wrong to deserve that so that’s also in them a really annoying factor that probably people won’t really talk about i don’t know why i get angry though it’s just something clicks

In me and i’m just angry out of the blue sweet i’m reading a cbt books to half-hours anger and depression and anxiety and just everything’s a really good book to i spoken about this in one of my videos before but hitches included before you go i have started to live stream on twitch so feel free to check that out and i do have a twitter account as well which you

Can follow that will be down in the description bye guys

Transcribed from video
Adult ADHD | What it's like to have ADHD By SkyeChatsliveBroadcastDetails{isLiveNowfalsestartTimestamp2020-04-21T160056+0000endTimestamp2020-04-21T161621+0000}