March 22, 2023

i hope this update helps 🙂

Welcome to my official zoloft update video where i talk about that but i also talk about a lot of other things that go hand in hand with my anxiety and depression like the pressures of being in la and just trusting myself more self-love compassion we really get all into it in this video so hopefully you can take something away from this and yeah like like like

And subscribe coming to you live from my bedroom with my unmade bed with a full face of makeup on and pajamas hey y’all what’s up uh i always get nervous before i film these because i want to say the right things and it’s like my thoughts go 100 miles an hour and it just starts to turn into like a huge rambling thing but i’m going to try to stay on topic here

Um today we’re going to be talking about some very serious things um but light-hearted you know we’re going to keep it fun we’re going to keep it entertaining i hope but i want to talk to y’all about my depression and anxiety and life and being on zoloft first i just want to say i did post a video kind of explaining like why i got on antidepressants and kind

Of the first initial i guess effects that it had on me and that’ll be in the description if you want to go watch it it’s very much in depth about like everything but i did have some people message me on instagram and some comments on that video wanting to know like am i still on it do i still recommend it how am i feeling and just kind of give some updates and i

Would love to do that because i feel like i have a lot to say and a lot of things i’ve learned and my opinion on it has kind of changed but kind of stayed the same in a weird way i am one of those people who was like i don’t ever want to be on medication because i don’t want to have to depend on something every day and i brought that up in my last video here’s the

Thing yes i am so on the antidepressants um i feel like it’s weird because i feel normal like i haven’t had any like weird side effects nothing crazy i haven’t noticed anything like drastically different that i would not take them for it hasn’t affected me in a negative way at all i do think it has helped balance out my moods so much so so so much because i feel

Like before i would be getting to that point where i literally couldn’t even handle my own emotions like i would break down i would feel like it was the end of the world and it was horrible to go through i was going through it a lot so it wasn’t just like a bad day it was like i was having so many bad days and so much stuff just like in my head 24 7 that i

Really just couldn’t deal with it sounds like a little embarrassing to have to admit that because it’s like who wants to take medicine every day because of their emotions you know but it has helped me a lot it’s weird because i feel like i’m to this point where i feel normal but of course i still have bad days of course i still get in bad moods of course i still

Get upset about things it’s not this magic pill that you take and it’s like well everything’s fixed everything’s great the way that i describe it it’s just kind of it allows me to deal with situations in my life better and then it also helps me to be able to work on myself and work on my mental health a lot more because i actually have some capacity mentally to

Be able to do that whereas before that negative that depression it would just take over and it was like so intense i was having nightmares it was a whole thing and like like i said i go into detail in that in the first video there like i said my opinion hasn’t really changed that much but there are some things that i’m noticing i’m constantly like over analyzing

Everything about myself and other people like psychology i love learning why we are the way we are and it’s just something i find interesting clearly mental health has so many different levels to it and i don’t think anybody in this world is like 100 i don’t think there’s like a standard perfect mental health like we’re humans and that’s just the way this world

Is set up right now we’re going to struggle we’re going to feel things and you know things are not always going to be great but it’s insane to me how many people actually have like a diagnosed mental illness and i just don’t think it should be like that i feel like that’s when we need to take a look at society and be like okay why do we all feel like this because

Clearly it’s not working out in our favor i never wanted to be that person that was like on medicine every day you know i always told myself like well i don’t want to get addicted to something to where i have to take it and i can’t like live without it you know but since i feel a lot more like leveled out and balanced out i just feel like pretty normal i still

Feel my emotions i still feel things like it hasn’t made me numb nothing like that but it has made me want to just keep self-reflecting and trying to figure out like why are we unhappy in the first place what is really going on that’s deeper because obviously yes chemicals in your brain can make you depressed but i think there is some degree where we have control

To at least be able to help ourselves you really have to take a look at what you’re doing in your life and the choices you’re making that might be triggering your depression or triggering your anxiety or triggering you know whatever’s going on with you that you’re not happy with and it’s obviously important to dig deep on those issues and figure it out from what i

Understand and i’m not a psychologist i’m not a therapist i’m not a professional so this is just my understanding of it but from what i understand there’s depression and anxiety and stuff where the chemicals in your brain are actually you know not leveled out right but then there’s also a thing called situational depression and some people also go through seasonal

Depression so i think it’s important to kind of try to figure out where yours is coming from for me i think it was like a combination of situational depression and the chemicals in my brain i don’t know i feel like i’ve been in a place in my life for a really long time where i’ve just kind of felt stuck and i’ve talked about it on here before i get really sorry

I’m going off on a tangent but i get really really really hard on myself to the point where i feel like i just self sabotage and things will be going great and then i just it up and it’s subconsciously it’s not like i actively do something to mess it up but it’s just like i’ll start seeing growth with my youtube channel it’s going great and then i just stop

Posting or i’m like really doing great with my workouts and i’m really on track eating healthy and i feel good then i just stop i i’m working on it every day but what i was saying about the different types of depression it’s like i feel like my situational in the sense of i know i could be doing more than i’m doing right now and i know and not in a toxic way

Where it’s like grind 24 7. it’s just you know when you’re slacking on your goals and you know when you’re not making your priorities a priority and you know whenever you need to be doing something that you feel called to do but we can just get in our own way i just have like these thoughts that play over and over in my head you know where it’s like you know

When you’re not doing something that is fulfilling your soul i think um i live in california and i’m from texas and i’ve been in california for like six years now so it’s been a while and i’m very used to the environment i’m used to like how it kind of like works out here but also i think it can be a little depressing and i think the reason people say la is so

Hard is because yes there’s a lot of people here yes it’s competitive or whatever which i don’t really see anything as competition i think what’s for you will be for you and there’s space for everyone but i think what really with people’s head in la is the fact that it’s you against your mental health it’s you against yourself totally honest it’s you against

Your insecurities it’s you against pretty much everything that you felt insecure about on a daily basis like comes to light in la i feel like because not only do you have people your age that are way more successful than you you have people younger than you that are hella successful and then you see these people with like these mansions and all this cool stuff

And these cool cars and they’re going to these cool parties with these cool people and you’re looking at them like well damn why like don’t i have that and why don’t why don’t i get to do that and why you know why doesn’t my content grow like theirs does or whatever and you can get into this mode of self-sabotage so bad that you get distracted from your actual

Purpose and your actual path because you’re letting other people determine what you’re gonna do in your life and that is something that i’ve had to come to terms with it’s like i don’t care about numbers and that’s never why i started youtube in the first place you know i think quarantine and the pandemic and all that has really shown me like you don’t need all

Those things to be happy like i’m very simple when it comes to life like i genuinely enjoy the simple things of course i like nice things of course i would love to be able to travel the world and go on trips and stay in cool hotels and all that but like at the same time spending time with people that i love and laughing and joking around listening to music like

That makes me happy fulfilled in my soul so it’s not about all these outside things that are constantly being shown to us and i think a lot of our anxiety and depression can be triggered by seeing all this stuff on social media or seeing these people in real life or whatever wherever you’re at it’s like comparing yourself to anyone is not gonna help you level

Up at all all it’s gonna do is distract you and that is something that like i said i’m still working on but i think i’ve gotten a lot better at it and i’m very very very confident that what is meant for me is for me dude i’m so off track i’m not even telling you about the zoloft hold on i think it’s also super important that we learn to give ourselves grace and

Forgive yourself a little bit because you don’t even take a second to stop and think everything that you have overcome and everything that you have been through and i think i really had to stop and think like what is making me so upset right now why do i feel like this and i think part of it and honestly this might sound stupid because i’m in my 20s and it’s

A journey but what i think people do not talk about enough is the fact that you go from being a teenager and you go from like being in school all your life and everything’s structured down to a t to like being an adult and there’s this weird transitional period where you’re trying to figure out and it almost feels impossible because it looks like in my brain

That there’s 38 million different directions that i could go and then i’m making decisions based out of fear because it’s like well i would love to do that but what if it doesn’t work out and well i’m getting older so i need to like figure out a career like right now and it needs to be successful right now or oh my god but what if i don’t meet somebody and i’d

Never have kids or do i even want kids like is that even what i want i don’t know but yeah i do but i got to meet somebody first and dude it’s just a lot and all these new thoughts start coming up and i think for myself i never really even like sat down and like dealt with that i don’t know if that’s like a dumb thing to say but it’s it’s really hard kind of

Transitioning to an adult there’s just so much to like manage and figure out and it’s scary and it still is scary like i don’t think anybody ever truly knows what they’re doing and even the people you look up to even the people that look like they have it figured out probably don’t they might have somewhat of an idea but no one even knows what’s really going

On or what could happen literally tomorrow i do question like okay if i had that life in my head that i think would make me happy would i still need to be on antidepressants and i mean that’s a question that i’ll have to revisit later because i don’t know i think when you start to feel normal normal whatever that is um like i do right now like i feel like my

Emotions are pretty evened out i can like deal with life a lot easier everything feels a lot less heavy and i just feel a lot more like open but at the same time that doesn’t stop every single negative thought when you take antidepressants it’s not like it instantly makes you feel different it’s not like a stimulant it’s nothing like that so when you take it you

Can’t even tell that you took it so for me it feels like i could be like oh i could probably not take it and i’d be fine but then i have to really mentally go back in my brain and feel how i felt before and i’m like okay maybe that’s not a good idea and maybe the reason that i feel like i can stop taking it is because i’m taking it and i feel i feel pretty good

Compared to what i did feel like if you do take it and then you want to get off of it i don’t really know the protocol for that but i do know that you should not stop cold turkey because it can make you feel weird um i think you have to like taper off of it with your doctor i don’t know because i’m still taking it i just have all these new thoughts about life

I’ve just been trying to show myself a lot more compassion and a lot more empathy because i show it for everybody else but myself and another thing i notice is like people pleasing i think that also kind of comes with like anxiety and stuff and i could be wrong it could be different for everybody but i’ve definitely been like a people pleaser my whole life my

First thought is like i don’t want to make them mad or what if they think this about me or what do they think about me and you know i’m always so concerned with everyone else’s thoughts and opinions that i didn’t even value my own and i’ve just recently stepped into this like mindset of really monitoring how i react to situations and if there’s a choice that i

Want to make when i think it in my head i’m like my initial thought is okay this is a choice i want to make but then there’s that follow-up thought that’s like oh but i don’t want them to get mad at me like even something as simple as canceling plans i feel like before i would be like oh like i don’t want to cancel on them or i don’t want to tell them no because

I don’t want them to be mad at me and i need to maintain friendships and blah blah blah blah but then at the same time i’m like okay but also if i don’t want to go somewhere if i don’t want to be in a situation why wouldn’t i give myself that compassion and that self-love and self-care to not be there and i know that’s not super deep that’s just an example but i

Noticed that same pattern with a lot of things that i think i know i truly don’t think self-care is always pretty i think self-care is honoring what your intuition is telling you and honoring what your decision is because it’s your life genuinely you have to start thinking about it like that it’s like dude this is my life that i have to experience and i have to

Live every day if i’m just making choices because i don’t want other people to view me in a certain light or be upset or whatever how is that serving me at all my one time here as far as i know that i’m just gonna do what everybody else what i think everyone else wants me to do it just doesn’t make sense and i’m really stepping away from that mindset and really

Trying to be confident in the choices that i make and the ideas that i have and i’m trying so hard to like follow through with my ideas and with my whatever because i procrastinate a lot and that’s a problem as far as the antidepressant goes it’s been fine there’s literally not been any side effects i don’t really know what else to say about it um i’m still

On 50 milligrams i didn’t have to go up anymore um but yeah the only thing i can say is it’s not a magic thing i think you still need to make sure that you’re doing your regular self-care stuff for me it’s kind of like working out you know you don’t just lose weight and you’re done forever like you have to maintain it by going to the gym and eating healthy and

There’s like a maintenance point and i feel the same way about mental health being on an antidepressant or being on a medication is a tool but it’s not a 100 guaranteed answer and it’s not a one-size-fits-all so if you are going to get on it or if you’re curious about it obviously talk to a doctor talk to a what’s it called um psychiatrist therapist whoever you

Talk to about that stuff and really figure out what’s best for you because you don’t deserve to live life not not enjoying it at all i don’t know how long i’ll be on it i don’t know if i’ll get off of it my mom’s been on it for a really long time and so mental mental health issues just run in the family but i don’t know it might be something i do have to be on

For a long time or i might be able to get off of it eventually i don’t know at this point i’m really taking it day by day i’m trying to give myself grace compassion love and i’m really just trying to level up and be the baddest version of myself that i can be if y’all have questions specific questions please comment them because i will make another update video

I hope this was like somewhat helpful i just feel like there wasn’t much to say about the actual medicine itself but yeah keep working on yourselves keep thriving i love you thank you for watching

Transcribed from video
antidepressant update (9 months on zoloft sertraline) By Alexa Pellerin