February 8, 2023

#Anxiety #Buspar #Buspirone

30. hi everyone and welcome back to my channel and today i’m going to do i am going to do an update on my previous video where i discussed bruce baron some really good views on that video and i’ve also been um requested by someone to do an update video on my anxiety and so um my anxiety it has not gone away i’ve always know i’ve had like some type of anxiety

All my life even when i was younger like i could just tell like i didn’t really like to be in large crowds i didn’t like to be around a lot of group of people as you know but it’s not a means to say like i did not have friendships or um did go out and hang out like i did back when i was younger but it was mostly like always kept in like a smaller group so it’ll

Probably be like maybe two other people or maybe like really up to five people but even five was sometimes doing too much and sometimes i’ll just not show up for events or cancel or say i’m not feeling well and just stay in and watch tv and it was just always about oh my gosh like how many people are going to be there do i really want to go um it was always like

You know am i is it really even worth going you know what could happen like i always been like a what if type of person but i do enjoy company as well sometimes and i do you know i enjoy it like i want it but my anxiety keeps me from going through with it and mostly i say 90 of the time i will cancel or just come up with like an excuse on why you know i don’t

Really want to come or i’ll just be you know i don’t know like i just be like i just i can’t today like i just can’t and that’s why i finally reached out last year or two yeah last year i reached out to my doctor and i was just like look you know i really need something but to deal with this cope with this anxiety like i want to be able to go around people

And going to grocery stores in africa like and you guys like i i hate going to grocery stores and it’s like okay but i have to go if no one else can go for me if i can’t get anyone else to go for me then i have no choice but to go so i go and um if i do go like i try to make it as quickly as possible and sometimes even during those moments like i’ll start to

Just freak out i’ll start to get flushing sensations in my body like i start to like break out in sweats and i start to just clamor up like i just really start to like show visual signs of distress and that stresses me out even more when i’m doing that like i’m like oh my gosh calm down calm down i’m even counted to myself in my head i’m even doing breathing

Exercises doing during the whole process even if i’m not even if i’m just not now getting in there like i was saying i give myself five minutes tops and i am freaking out i start to um visually visually if other people are looking at me in the store it seems like you know i may be okay but i’m not really okay like i am freaking out and on the inside of me and

Like and so that’s when i finally was like okay i’m reach out to my doctor and get something that can help me cope with this i would say it helped but then oh my goodness i started like seeing other videos about what they were going through and i was just like i really do not want to become dependent on any drug if i can help it so i ended up took it until

The bottle was empty but then i recently had another breakdown where i was like i can’t continue to do this like i’m getting older and why am i still experiencing anxiety at this point i would really like to say that it has to be a personality trait for me and other people as well like it’s just something that i am probably always going to be dealing with

So i did go ahead and restart bruce baroon bus bar for anxiety does help keep help keep me calm and help like not overthink things i guess you know like it’s kind of put a calming aspect over me as i go through anxieties of panic attacks i have panic attacks when i am around crowds of people yeah so i get these panic attacks and i actually have a story time

About a really bad panic attack and it actually surprised me it’s stuck it’s not like literally this is before this was before like all any medicine like i was just really trying to cope with it and like power through everything that i did in that time frame of my life so i want to share this with you guys so i had got invited out to go to dinner with an old

Friend she contacted me and she was like hey you know um i don’t have the kids tonight you know i don’t want to go out to dinner and i was just like okay during that time i was like even at that moment i was like man i really need to get out the house like i really probably need to communicate and socialize so it was perfect timing for her to reach out to me

And ask me to come so i was like okay i’ll go got ready as always i’m always super excited before an event like i’m like you know i’m going to make sure i look my best make sure i come off as normal yeah and anybody that has anxiety can relate to that like you are trying to come off as normal in any setting that you’re in because you don’t want to be called the

Freak or the weirdo or the what they like to call it today um in cell okay so i was just like okay i can do this like it’s just dinner like it’s just dinner and so what happened i also invited another friend of mine because she had just recently moved back into town and i hadn’t seen her yet and i was just like you know i hit her up i was like do you want to

Come out to dinner with me and my other friend and she’s like yeah i’ll meet you guys there so she comes and now i’m sitting at the table with two people and usually you know back then like i can’t handle that but as the years go on like it gets worser like it doesn’t i mean worse is not even a word it gets worse and it gets worse and um sorry it gets worse

And but i was like okay the whole time i’m like i can do this like i can do this like it’s other mind you it becomes okay if it was just a private setting maybe it was just me and those two people i probably could have made it through but i’m sitting there we’re talking as always i’m trying to be as normal as possible even though i’m freaking out on the inside

They don’t notice but i am freaking out so i’m trying to like talk and i’m trying to be communicative just to stop like i start to think about other things just to keep my mind off of me having a panic attack this panic attack snuck up on me i tried so hard to bury it so deeply that it did not work it burst it out and within seconds i started sweating really bad

And i started on the inside just having the worst panic attack ever i started trying to drink water hoping the water get water would just help me that did not help i abruptly got up and i said i need to go to the bathroom i went to the bathroom and i just knew i was already too late they already seen my they already seen me visibly visibly having the panic attack

Right in front of them you guys i was so embarrassed the first thing i did i want to say we went on our food or they were waiting on their food i had already had my food and you guys like i literally i would say maybe not even 10 minutes after that i had to leave like i had to go even though i was trying to be strong and just say you know i should be able to

Sit here and get through this i could not i couldn’t and after that like it just wasn’t the same i would say i invited those two people back out again or they invited me back out and and i just declined to go like we never met back up after that incident and um sometimes you know i think to myself like it has to be because of me but we have i have communicated

With those same women online like through texting or through facebook or something like that so but we have not met again in a public setting and i don’t know i don’t know i’m still kind of embarrassed from that all right so i want to like wrap this video up it’s been so great talking to you guys about this like i can’t really talk to other people about this

Like because i don’t know i’m in fear of judgment and in fear of what they may think so i don’t know i just kind of keep stuff like this to myself but it was nice to get it off my chest and tell and talk about it in this video and also you know the medicine like i keep trying to run away from it but i think at this point it’s just something that i may have to

Get used to and it may have to become something that’s mandatory for me it may have to become a lifelong routine for me because i’m just too grown to be having these bouts of anxiety and you know honestly to me it runs in my family in a way because some of us have it and some of us don’t so it’s like 50 50 chance of me getting it and i got it so it’s i don’t

Know i’m i am going to probably research that because it could be something that’s a hereditary trait you know i’ve never thought about it that way but i think it’s just something that i deal with because it’s something that’s in my genes my dna like i can’t run from it but so far the medicine hasn’t been working so that’s a plus and once again i i am at the

Lowest dose because and for me it just that fits me for right now but if i need more milligrams then i will ask for them and consult with my doctor about it but yeah so yeah so you guys i’m hoping you enjoyed this video if you like it give it a thumbs up and don’t forget to hit that subscribe button and i am definitely trying to put out more content each

Week as i can think of sometimes i get like kind of like oh what should i post but lately i’ve just decided that i should probably just go with the flow and you know just post like and once again like on my channel i don’t have a certain niche it’s just random things that i am posting oh yeah make sure you hit that subscribe button and once again thanks for

Tuning in to mona on my mission rio

Transcribed from video
Anxiety Update! Buspar Story Time By MONAONAMISSION