March 24, 2023

I am 5 years off klonipin …. I’m healed from that…. now dealing with gabapentin withdrawal. Will this ever end? I’m a provider who is very upset with the medical community as you will see with watching.

Hey y’all it’s becky and i am doing my five year off klonopin anniversary video i’ve seen some of you request to see how i’m doing and i went ahead and decided i’m going to do a video so as of today i’ve been off 0.5 milligrams of klonopin taken once daily for 15 years i wish i could say i was doing good but i’m not it’s not because of the benzo withdrawal

Because i was doing fantastic at around 18 months off um i’m not going to go through what i went through with the benzo withdrawal those are my previous videos but it was to say the least hell for 18 months after i stopped and yes i did go on other medications in rehab to try to assist with the withdrawal to include gabapentin and visceral and atenolol

Once i started to feel better at 18 months off i decided to start weaning the others and i got off of the atenolol pretty fast i had to taper it but i got off pretty fast and then i started working on the visceral and the gabapentin tapering down from 300 milligrams of gabapentin and taping down from 25 milligrams of visceral i can say it went well while i was

Tapering because i was tapering so slow i probably tapered over a couple years i went on to liquid gabapentin and liquid visceral i have a fantastic doctor who completely understands what i’m going through and actually does the research unlike a lot of other providers they just say it’s not the medication it’s it’s your original anxiety resurfacing or it’s your

Um it’s something else and they try to stack more medications on you and more and more and of course that never does any anything any good it probably sometimes makes a lot of people worse i just wish doctors would do more research instead of just assuming in their 15 20 minutes to see a provider i mean see a patient that all they need is another pill i wish

They would get to the root cause but let me get back to my story um so as of september 30th which is my birthday uh last year i was down to oh kitty i was down to about 20 milligrams of gabapentin and almost nil of the visceral so i decided okay well i’m excuse me i’m doing pretty good and um i’m just gonna stop and so i did and i was doing well um i’m like i was

Shocked on how well i was doing i thought something would happen and i was exercising i was working great working exercising boot camp doing my celebrate recovery which i do i i’m a leader to celebrate recovery in the area and let’s say about beginning of december i got hit bad and i feel like i’m back in benzo withdrawal um i’ve got almost the exact same symptoms

But i would say not as dramatic but it’s still hard to deal with um so this technically should be a gabapentin video but i’m very angry because it’s just been for me it’s been a whirlwind of withdrawal after withdrawal i started in 2012 getting off of cymbalta and then 2016 getting off with klonopin and now this um my symptoms like i said are very similar to

Benzo withdrawal i’m having the akashia the restlessness um irritability irritability i can’t talk see irritability agitation um nauseated so my weight is going down again um because it did go down with the klonopin dramatically but i was able to gain it back but now it’s going down again my arms are burning i can’t stay warm i’m always cold i’m having crying

Jags i cry a drop of a hat and i’m not depressed and i never really was a depressed person i was more of an anxious person i’m in type a has to get everything done stressed out type person it runs in my family um but i was able to cope so i’m back in it so i’ve been off of i’m like then off of gabapentin i stayed on i actually got back on the visceral but i get

Been off the gabapentin since september 30th um of course all my lab work is normal because i am hypothyroid and i am on estrogen and of course gabapentin throws all that off but so far all those are normal but i’m i’m sure it’s really we can have it a hat wreaking havoc on my body hormonally and i’m sure it’s affecting my histamine as well but i’m not going

To worry that about that at this point i’m just angry and i’m gonna get off i’m gonna get on my soapbox i’m not gonna get off of it yet i’m gonna get on my soapbox as many of you know i’m a provider i’m a nurse practitioner and hopefully this won’t ruin my career but i’m caring more about the patient than the 15 minutes or 20 minutes that we get in a typical

Primary care setting now don’t get me wrong i’m in a fantastic job right now and i’m hoping i will not lose it on this gabapentin withdrawal i’m not in primary primary care where they only get 15-20 minutes per visit to be able to see a patient with multiple medical problems and chart and do everything else that they need to do in their 15 or 20 minutes it’s

It’s it’s impossible and it’s criminal and it’s negligent to any company to ask a provider to do that um and it angers me because it spills out onto the patient because the providers don’t have time to really care like we were taught to care we were taught to actually see the patient and take time to talk to the patient holistically but we don’t have time anymore

The job i’m in now i do have time and if i lose this job i don’t know what i’m going to do because i love my job so yeah i’m on a soapbox about that because i want to advocate for all of you that are going through this that will go through this that it’s not you okay if there’s nothing else found of course things have to be researched and make sure that

There’s nothing medically going on with you that’s causing your symptoms if it ends up being that yeah you’re just in withdrawal the doctors the providers need to acknowledge that and support you because when you feel alone and you don’t know what to do and you feel like you’re just going crazy and you know even if the doctors are telling you that no this can’t be

Withdrawal anymore you feel like hopeless and you feel alone and you don’t know what to do so you go to the facebook sites and the websites and benzo buddies and places like that because there at least you know you’re not crazy that you’re not alone and it’s unfortunate that the the medical community is not acknowledging this because it’s in the research trust

Me i’m done plenty of it since i’ve been going through it myself and it’s it’s in your face research all you have to do is google and googling also goes to reputable sources such as the nih and johns hopkins and dhsa department of health and human services it’s there but doctors don’t take the time providers don’t take the time to actually look because they

Don’t have time they’re burning out themselves so yes i’m on a soapbox i’ll say it over and over again because y’all don’t deserve to be treated that way and if i could help you all out i would but of course i’m limited with my license so yes i’m gonna gather pen and withdrawal and as you can see i’m angry but i’m angry because i care and i care about myself

Too because i also have a family and i want to get through this and i know i will god’s got my back the lord has my back and he’s going to get me through this i have plenty of sisters in christ since i’ve been volunteering at celebrate recovery that’s got my back they don’t think i’m crazy they know this is a real thing unlike multiple providers who will not

Acknowledge your pain and i’m sorry as a provider i’m sorry for all the providers out there that do that to you it makes me sad so i’m not gonna cry i’ve got like i said the lord i’ve got my sisters in christ i’ve got a beautiful family who is acknowledging and don’t and don’t think that i’m just crazy they do the research because they care about me um so i’ve

Got people but i’m still in my internal hell which is hard to deal with and i know it’ll end it will um and i’m not saying to those of you who are taking another medication to help with your benzo withdrawal to stop you need to do you you need to of course talk with whoever you’re talking your doctor whoever and say you know and let them work with you but when

You go when you go bring research with you show it to them shove it in their face because you have a right to be treated properly okay no matter what i know i’ve probably been rambling that’s because i am inside i am trembling like a volcano pray for me i’ll pray for y’all we will get through this there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel don’t ever give

Up if you think about giving up reach out to somebody because this is a temporary problem this is this is that would be a permanent see i can’t even talk that would be a prominent solution to a temporary problem okay it’s not you’ve got too many people out there that love you so always reach out if you feel this is just completely hopeless because it’s not it’s

Going to end i know what i’m going through is going to end i just have to endure it for now okay i love you all if you want to comment below say anything crazy say i’m crazy that’s fine i don’t care i just hope and pray one day that doctors and provider providers will actually acknowledge your concerns i hope one day i pray one day that insurance companies say

Hey look providers need more time with their patient because they don’t have time to care as much as they supposed to care in 15 and 20 minutes that’s my that would be my ultimate goal that would be my ultimate prayer answered because you all deserve to be treated right love you all i’m done rambling now i’m going to hop off my soapbox and go drink some fluids

Some water some coconut water and hopefully feel a little bit better later because there will be windows love you all

Transcribed from video
Benzodiazepine withdrawal – 5 years off … now it’s gabapentin withdrawal By Becca