December 8, 2022

hiiii, hope you’re all happy & healthy! i tracked my first week on antidepressants after being terrified of medication for as long as i can remember.

Good afternoon and welcome to today’s video i feel like there could be a few new faces on today’s video just because of the certain topic that this video is on so if you are new here my name is lauren it’s lovely to see you and i really hope this video is helpful for you or whoever you are watching it for i have been struggling with my mental health for as long as

I can remember and meds is something that i have put off for the longest time ever i have such a bad fear of medication which i’m not gonna go into too much because i spoke about it in previous videos and if people want i can always do a video favor down the line explaining that i suffer from generalized anxiety disorder depression and a phobia called emetophobia

Which is fear of being sick and all things surrounded by sick now i have done many videos on the topic of metaphobia so i’m not going to go into that too much either but i do run a tick tock account called stage for sunshine where i talk about emetophobia quite a lot i’m really really open about my journey with it and i also talk about anxiety and just mental

Health in general and i’m gonna be doing more frequent updates about the meds if i carry on with them and stuff but that is all gonna be figured out in this video because you know as much as i do about what my experience on med is gonna be like and i never thought i’d be doing a video like this just because meds was always a solid no and it was always the final

Final option but i have been doing therapy for quite a few years i well on and off i’ve gone through a few therapists i’ve tried different types of therapy and i feel like every time i do it i just hit a wall the recent treatment that i’ve been doing has helped quite a bit i have another panic attack in a few months i i’m able to do things but i just can’t enjoy it

And i feel like i’m not going to get to the place i want to be with just therapy which is what my psychiatrist told me anyway i have got the prescription for that here which is obviously why you clicked on this video i have it in two forms i’ve got the tablet four and the liquid drop form with the emetophobia i can’t take tablets because i have a fear of choking

Too i have got the liquid drop which i think is gonna be what i use because i don’t think you can crush these i’ve been told different things by different people about whether you can crush them but i’ve got the liquid drops so i have been put on citadel pram on 10 milligrams a day which is the starting deuce i did have a bit of messing about with this yesterday

Because it does say in yellow bold writing on the front that this is 40 milligrams per milliliters and i just got really flustered about it absolutely spiraled so we went to the chemist who spoke to the gp and they were like it is the right dosage but me and intrusive thoughts like it’s not the right dosage i’m gonna die i’ve got to take 10 milligrams a day which

Is equivalent to four drops of this and then in about two weeks i should have like a dosage review and then i’ll get up to i think 20 and then 40 is the maximum i am absolutely terrified this is one of the scary things i’ve ever done in recovery to be honest i’ve done exposure therapy i have done experience therapy and this is a lot more scary i am going to

Be documenting everything as much as i can i’m going to do like daily updates about my side effects about how i feel on it about if i feel like it’s helping or not but i do want to just put out there that every single person on any medication in the world is going to have a completely different experience some people have absolutely no side effects some people

Have mild it’s completely different with everyone so i didn’t want anyone to watch this video and think oh well she was like completely fine on it so i will be or vice versa i don’t want people to watch me have an absolute meltdown and be like okay i can’t take that medication but i am a type of person that likes to do a lot of research so when i was prescribed

In medication i did so much research i was on youtube finding people’s experiences on it and googling things and just seeing like what people have said about it so i get like a majority vote of whether it was a good or bad drug basically and i didn’t seem to find any that were like daily update it was always like first few months onto teleprompt or something so

I was like right i’m gonna do one where i update daily just so like people can see it because i feel like that would have helped me a lot yeah this is probably not something that my normal viewers will want to watch but who knows they might want to watch just to see how i’m doing and stuff i was actually wondering whether i should go into the sciencey side of

What the telephone is because i do love psychology i studied as psychology in six four but i don’t really know that much about it i do know that it’s an ssri which is selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor don’t forget to hit the subscribe button down below and give this a thumbs up if you’re finding this video helpful okay hang on my dad just brought me some

Chocolate up good sand i was able to eat it because i was worried that i wouldn’t be able to eat with the meds just because of like anxiety nausea all that horrible stuff sam i took my first series about five hours ago and i’m just supposed to do like an update on the first day kind of thing because in my brain as soon as i talk the meds i was going to be sick i

Was going to be having all these side effects which is really unrealistic but anxiety is not a fun thing hence why we’re starting this medication five hours have passed i still feel like myself i went through like a weird energetic phase before but i think that probably was just anxiety i just felt like i was moving really fast and my mum actually noticed that as

Well she was like oh my god slow down but that’s fine with me that is better than having no motivation not being able to move i’ve managed to eat i did take it on like a full tummy so that would have helped with nausea and stuff i got a bit headachy before but i suffered with headaches all the time anyway so i didn’t think that was due to the medication but that

Was just like a few minutes and it like completely passed so far so good i did stock up on basically a nausea survival kit so i bought foods like ginger biscuits apples chewing gum just all foods that i go for like settling your tummy and stuff so i’ll pop a picture of my nausea survival kit just in case anyone wants to know so i’m just staying hydrated trying to

Eat every few hours just to stop any side effects really and i shall probably just see you in the morning excuse my current state i’ve just hopped out of the shower but i thought i would do today’s update it is day two and it’s about ten past six on a saturday evening i took my dose about three p.m so about three hours ago now i still feel pretty normal i do

Need to change the time that i take my dosto because i didn’t really think about this time next month when i will be in university and taking meds at like 3 p.m probably isn’t best because i probably will be in a lecture or i’ll be in like a band rehearsal or something so i definitely need to get that gradually down to like maybe 8 a.m or something which i’m not

Looking forward to because i’m not a modern person at all i am feeling completely fine i’ve had a few side effects which i’ll obviously talk through in a second another reason i need to change the time of day that i take the medication is because the later in the day you take to teleprompt the more likely it is to affect your nighttime routine and sleep and stuff

Which was quite apparent it wasn’t the worst night in my life i did feel a bit like restless it was kind of like my body was ready to sleep my body was comfortable tired but my broom was just like awake which then obviously gave me a little bit of anxiety but it wasn’t anything that i hadn’t had before also i’ve noticed that i’m more hungry than usual it’s kind

Of weird cause i’m not used to having an appetite anyway i felt hungry quite a lot of the time which is obviously a good thing i assume i know that a lot of people struggle with lack of appetite when they start this so i was kind of worried about that but so far i feel like it’s had the opposite effect i don’t know if it’s just a coincidence i’m not really sure

I don’t know if this is too much information i didn’t know what to say or not but i thought you know what we’re being honest we’re gonna mention every side effect that i have i never go for a week in the night time but last night i went for about three and i was like what is going on i hadn’t drunk more than usual so i was like this must be a side effect and i

Did google it i’ve been trying not to google anything and yet apparently it can be a side effect of certain antidepressants so we’ve made it to day three today’s probably been the weirdest of the day so far but still not that much to update i felt nauseous off and on all day but it’s nothing too extreme as a metaphor i spend my whole life trying to avoid feeling

Nauseous and anything that ever causes nausea i run away from however it’s not been that bad that i would stop taking the meds so i’m still going to take them tomorrow all is well so far i’ve just made sure that i’m not too far away from my trusty ginger biscuits just so i’ve got something in my tummy old hands and also ginger is really good for settling you’ll

Tell me which is why it was part of my knowledge of firebucket i spoke with the other day in terms of sleep i slept a lot best last night which i was really really happy about it was still a late night but i expected that anyway i didn’t try and sleep till like 2 a.m so i wasn’t expecting any miracles to happen there there’s nothing really else to say i still

Feel normal i still feel in control and stuff i’ve just been journaling today which you saw i picked up this journal from paperchase for 12 pounds and i really like this i was drawn to the pattern on the front but i also think it’s really nice in size i love the idea of journaling and keeping a diary but the idea of just writing on like a piece of land paper

Every day really doesn’t interest me that much and i never last more than a few days this one has double page spreads and along the top you’ve got the days and a box to write in what you’re doing and stuff then there’s also a tracker here which in previous ones i’ve put moods have you left the house posted a tick tock and showered just so you can tick them off

And stuff then you’ve got a box for goals and tasks meals shopping and this changes every week as well so next week’s is my favorite books last week’s was make a happy playlist so i’ve really enjoyed doing that i’ve also been working throughout my emetophobia thrive program book which i bought last year and started but didn’t get to the end of so i’ve been going

Through that to keep my mind ticking and i’ve been making notes and working through that so i have had a pretty productive day to be honest i haven’t yet left the house which means i haven’t really put myself in a triggering situation to see what would happen in terms of anxiety and stuff on this medication but it is really early days and i don’t feel different

In terms of anxiety levels i still feel exactly how i was it takes four to six weeks versus how i problem to like completely work its magic so to say so we shall see what happens there and hopefully we will see improvements rather than the opposite of improvements as i know where that is what’s the opposite of improvement i do not know i didn’t realize how bad

The lighting was going to be here i apologize for that however this is going to be the shortest clip at that there’s been literally no change from yesterday so i wasn’t even gonna film today but then i was like no i said i was gonna do a daily one so even if there’s nothing to update i’ll still come and say all is good i didn’t see very well last night i tried

To have an early night and i completely backfired and i was quite nauseous through the night but again it wasn’t anything that i couldn’t deal with i had a bit less of an appetite today but it wasn’t so much that i couldn’t face food like i still managed to have two meals and i shall see you tomorrow camera’s on one bar so i better make this snappy day five i

Can’t remember what day we’re up to but it’s about day five nothing drastic has changed but today has been the most difficult day to get through just a continuation of yesterday’s side effects but a bit more extreme extreme from an upright way because it wasn’t that bad but i felt my anxiety increasing throughout the day i felt quite nauseous again today today

Was most anxious i’ve had so far so i’m hoping this is like the most anxious it’ll be and then i’ll go down from here the first two weeks can be a bit of a rocky road so it might carry on getting weird who knows i still i’m struggling with sleep i’m hoping that’s something that’s going to subside as well most people say that the face like two or three days the

Sleep is a bit off however it’s now day five six i’m really hoping that does subside though hopefully that will and i think as soon as i’ve got sleep out the way and being able to go out the house and stuff that’s when i’ll be happy on this medication i’m gonna try and have a bit of a more productive day tomorrow i think i’m gonna try and put some makeup on put

A nice outfit on and get out even for a walk or just go and see my nana or something just because i haven’t really done anything i’ve got into like a new routine of staying in the house while on this medication and that’s not how i want to get into so we’ve made it to day six i feel like this has been the longest week of my whole entire life it’s dragged so much

Today’s probably been the best out of all of the days to be honest i managed to get out the house today and went to see my nan also went to tesco so nothing too daring but i thought i’d be a little more anxious than i was so that was a lovely sign pretty much normal again i don’t know if i’ve just got used to the size effects i was having or they’ve gone i just

Feel completely normal today one thing i have noticed is that i’m not as emotional i have been watching season three love island which is the one from 2017 and i cry at love island a lot i quite absolutely everything in all aspects of life and i was watching it today and just didn’t cry like those really sad moments really happy emotional like lovely doggy moments

That i would normally tear up and nothing so i don’t know if i’ve lost the ability to cry but at least i’m a bit more stable than i was who knows i don’t know that’s a good thing or a bad thing i’m feeling completely fine it’s been a little while since i updated you guys well it hasn’t been a while it’s been like three days i think i’ve been on the meds for 10

Days now something around that time scale but there was literally no updates again the day after i last spoke to you and also i haven’t really had the chance to because by being really busy really anxious or just just haven’t had time to sit and film really and there was nothing that important to update so i thought i’d do like a overview of the week as a whole i

Still don’t think it’s properly kicked in i’ve definitely seen an increase in anxiety the past few days i braved town i’m from liverpool if you know liverpool city center it can get quite busy and a bit overwhelming without anxiety so it was really weird the world just felt huge like it was a really strange like surreal feeling like i just felt tiny in comparison

To the world and everything just felt loud and it was just a bit strange so i will be going overdose next week i think i need to speak to a doctor and see what happens there i am going to end this video here but i will do like citalopram update videos like more sat down ones than vlog style my camera is about to die so i am gonna shut up i am gonna sign off this

Video if you are watching this and you are about to start say teleprom good luck you don’t need the luck it’s honestly being so much easier than i thought it’d be and i’m not going to say i’m not scared of medication because i still am terrified of medication but it’s gave me a bit more confidence in myself that i can do it no matter how anxious i get and stuff

So if you are about to start don’t worry about it give it a go a lovely girl actually sent me a message on tick tock just before i was going to start the meds and i posted tig talks about it which you’d seen and she messaged me didn’t have to she did that with her own will and basically said something that changed my perspective and honestly i think it was what

Persuaded me to try the meds so i’m gonna be really really thankful for that girl always she basically said to me feeling unwell for a few days won’t ruin your life but potentially you would be ruining your life if you didn’t take the risk because this medication could be like the best thing that’s ever happened to me but i wouldn’t know that and i could just

Spend years and years and years struggling when i don’t need to that was kind of the little inspirational message that like pushed me to try them if you got this far thank you so so much for watching i’m really really thankful as always and don’t forget to hit the subscribe button if you did enjoy this video i want to keep updated i am more active on instagram

If anyone has any questions you want to ask me they can have a comment down below or message me privately on instagram i don’t mind i’m always happy to answer as soon as i can but i will hopefully see you all in my next video i hope you’re all happy healthy thriving and yeah

Transcribed from video
CITALOPRAM/CELEXA – WHAT TO EXPECT IN THE FIRST WEEK | side effects, anxiety, my experience By Lauren Worthy