February 1, 2023

So here is my third update on my progress with citalopram. There have definitely been a lot of ups and downs. Thanks for watching 🙂 I apologise that I look horrific in this video. The lighting is very bad and it has made me look very pink.

Hey there youtube so it’s becky here again and it’s been far too long since i did a video what were you in doing so as you guys will have known from my other videos i have depression and i’ve been treating that recently with 40 milligrams of citalopram max you can go to as far as i’m aware and up until just recently as to being working fine for me but i reached a

Kind of plateau and i thought that i was probably better i wasn’t getting upset at all for like ages i was just i was kind of happy and nothing seemed to bother me so i just decided on death you know i’m better and i stopped taking them which was possibly the most stupid idea i ever heard if you ever get given medication removal illness from your doctor any like

Depression or anything do not stop unless your doctor tells you to because it’s really have idea so as i found out it was a terrible terrible idea with me being and quite logical character from besides and like the video of them quite a hefty size oh my boyfriend thinks i think i’m a lot bigger than i actually am but either way i hid the size i am and i think i’m

Grotesque and i’m gonna get soggy trolls saying like oh what one you just trying to move somewhere obviously i have been trying to lose weight for the last few years i went completely vegan for a while i’ve had issues with well i wouldn’t like to call it believe me about binging and purging in the past where i would either just go through a whole bit eat nothing

All right eat nothing and then eat loads of and then just throw it all back up again i’ve had problems all of that throughout the last like goodness knows how many years of my life probably six years or something so obviously i’ve tried the least react and nothing’s really seemed to work but when i went out to get clothes i always get paranoid about the size

I am so when i was picking up clothing i was just so worried about people looking at me i was thinking they know what size i am they know i’m having to buy such a huge size and i said i haven’t panic attacks out hyperventilating and so obviously that was a really bad idea and i was just constantly getting really down and upset but i never really tired that into

Stopping taking it i thought i was going through a rough patch so i started self-harming again really quite badly and when my boyfriend found out he was really upset after a while i was feeling almost suicidal i was writing suicide notes and everything that was how bad it really got and i’m so ashamed to even say that i’m here i’m really quite a shame the flash

I’m sorry but after a while i realized it was a really bad idea and i started taking more tablets again and i thought for a bit of persuasion from my boyfriend i never told my doctors this because i just worried that they would sexually or do something crazy disney crazy because i’m crazy oh and that everything was going quite well so i started taking them again

And everything picked up and with flats which is really good so the flat i’ve got is like great it’s like two bedrooms about two bathrooms it’s got two balconies a kitchen living room but the only problem is it’s just myself and my boyfriend so i get so lonely at times when he’s not around i’m finding i’m starting to get more dependent on others i mean all of the

Friends that i have i kind of all of his friends so he’s the link between all of my friends and myself and i’m not sure if they’re really into coming round while he’s not there so usually on a wednesday they’d all come around but today they’re not so that’s just because he’s not here i have very few other friends here in edinburgh i have one friend that i used to

Work with but whenever if i could get in touch with her i just never hear back for her for like weeks and then my friends at my current job and i’m not really particularly close enough with any of them so i can’t have them round there’s like one person that i’m friends with and i did ask to like hang out but that person’s busy but i’m along for three days now and

I’m just getting so paranoid that someone’s gonna come into my flat and i murdered me or something ah this one’s gonna break in i don’t know that saw illogical and so ridiculous and that’s usually not what i’m like i’m usually very logical and very rational but yeah let’s be like sleeping with a rock hammer in my bed tonight or something but yeah i could just say

That over the last few months i’ve been feeling more lonely or more emotional unusual i just kind of get upset by little things but i am still taking my tablets but yeah i guess that’s kind of it on the path positive loss i have had my hair dyed again which you guys can probably tell because the last time it was blonde not green i think everyone’s pretty much seems

To like it except for my boss at work but i think he’s happy that it’s time to faired of it now but i’m not it was so green before it was like sauce or bright but now look at it it’s all fear those on the end either way i like it i’m probably a diet green again but yeah i think that’s about it for me and this is quite a bit of a useless video over who cares i’m

Just so want to watch it so thanks if you actually reached this far so feel free to subscribe as well i do lots of videos on depression and kind of related topics ossify self harming suicide eating disorders and using recreational drugs to ease your pain anything so i have had a couple of people who message me kind of asking for advice and are doing really like

That and any people who gives me kind of constructive criticism that’s brilliant too so if anyone needs any help or advice or they want to ask anything go ahead i’m here and thank you very much for watching and hopefully also make some more videos on a more regular basis so thank you and i

Transcribed from video
Citalopram Update #3 By Bekzee