February 8, 2023

Hi everyone! Sorry I’ve been away for so long. Part of me thinks it was because I still couldn’t take ownership of my depression and another part thinks……ooh, shiny! If you’re like me, you’ll totally get that.

Hello everyone i’m matt and first i’d like to say thank you to everybody who left me messages and some people who sent me messages asking how i’m getting on with my fluoxetine yes i’m still on it google and there’s been some changes over the last three months one of which has spots as you can see with spots at minute and okay where did we leave off quit whining

Stomach pains against lee mentally hand cramps and training runners against their ends we know and then i get yawning and that’s apparently a common side effect of so oxygens that makes you yawn and i think usually given them need to be tired or anything it just makes you 416 1 so i take my tablet at night now rather than early evening just so i’m ready for sleep

Playing rather than spending a few hours away from people’s company and yawning and neck face and okay so here’s what happens month one everything was fine everything seems name tablets seem to be held claim as i’m 20ml fluoxetine once again and then my name is – kim i went back to the doctor for a checkup appointment jake up appointment and a new prescription

Everything was fine but by the week following i had a massive panic attack a massive massive panic attack room and anxiety attack or something and i ended up having to get an emergency appointment at the doctor’s surgery to see which other doctor was available at the time i explained to her i was freaking out i was just melting down living you know what to do with

Myself and as most helpful doctor as well see well what can i do for you well if i knew what you could do for me doctor i would tell you it wouldn’t be asking you what can you do for me anyway she told me to double my medication and just to start taking two a day and she also prescribed me some zopiclone sleeping tablets because i wasn’t sleeping i was getting

Her rain that’s nightmare it’s absolutely pouring the sleep berries and i never saw vivid and so horrible that i was waking up and my game was absolutely ruined in the rubbish give him smoke whirring please forgive me the fan on my laptop is annoying me anyway so my boyfriend picked up new chemist i told him that the doctor had told me to double up my medication

And he was concerned and he did rather concerned but i better not do that because he tears on them ssris and here’s what from her experience you know one month isn’t enough for a medication to be fair to zone so i gave you a cup of tea music amazona sleeping tablets help so i was getting sleep and i wasn’t waking up the street and then that the same didn’t bother

Doubling up on many occasions when it came to my next doctor’s appointment i saw i begged a doctor he’s a lovely chap sports hell about everything and also i brought this along okay i’m not going to show you the contents of this job ever because it’s private but when i start just having the nightmares and when i started having that kind of metal – milk dirty which

Wasn’t related to a few years before anybody comes in with anything silly and memories and unhappy timing started coming back to me sort into jolly empty jar oh i have plenty of mine boots lids and started breaking things down i just saw that when i do get to see the mental health team i can show them the daughter i because i’m the law that i will just climb up and

I will be it with tail and what’s on the moon so i am yeah this is like miller house phil yeah one page away from being half full and and my appointment with the mental health care team is on the 23rd of july family so yeah what else entity overhead i was assessed by someone from the mental health team back in april and from speaking with her well i say speaking

She asked question is nine know leadership my head she has to be forward for cognitive behavior behavior cognitive behavioral therapy just took me four words for counseling and just put me forward for and also call ago emdr i with many desensitization and restabilization which is something often given to people with post-traumatic stress disorder it’s not at the

Top to be told that they were planning money sending me for that but i’m open to anything at all because i just want to go on my life and so yeah we’ve been waiting months for my first mental health proper station and that is coming up next week to the next week can’t wait since then and since i last spoke i’ve still not really gone back to work and i’ve actually

Started the king of the new business i started making jewelry go figure i’m ago and i started making jewelry started getting a little bit more maybe doing a little bit of work and yeah it’s been pretty much it not much really going on i did have a bit of an episode last week where i felt really really done and i told my boyfriend’s a couple of days after i felt

Really down that’s all my boyfriend about it because he could say instead of something up with me but i just wasn’t talking and i said look i’ve had a couple of bad days and it came into my head just the other day that i wanted to cut myself i don’t actually want to cut myself from past experience i know that cutting myself makes me bleed and it hurts and it’s

Embarrassing and it serves no purpose other than to close myself pain what i had the urge to grab your kitchen knife which isn’t you know friendly basic kitchen chopping there and then plunge it into my side i didn’t bite the slot with there so she’s bleeding guy her boyfriend’s an enemy he don’t freak out you didn’t tell me he was angry he doesn’t you know obviously

This you’re too much i’m gone and we start to squawk about it and then at one point judging the conversation i had to excuse myself and go cry and i cried a lot i went to the bathroom and i was hysterically crying because we were talking about lace and depression and life is late the way he puts it was something along the lanes on life is like a garden and we need

To cute regarding lengths or it gets over drawing and the wings over take your garden as always going to be weeds there will always be weeds and everybody’s garden has wings but you keep on top of them you can deal with it and that just made so much sense to me that something just make him click in my head and i equates the matter and i was crying but not just

Crying i was laughing and crying i was like right that’s it i’ve had a complete mental breakdown and laughing hysterically and crying what but i feel better afterwards i feel as though someone had taken some pressure at the pressure cooker and so you know i think that’s a good thing and so yeah three months salary i’m on 40 mils laksa timothy i no longer take

My sleeping tablets and because of addictive i only know is going to get me through a bad patch but i have feel a piece of amazing things and then i go to see mental health people next week and my appetite is still gone i eat unless i actually feel better going to pass on it and then remain my feel that i have to eat and i’ve lost half a stone and weight you know

It’s not something i’m going to celebrate because it’s not something i’ve done of my one’s spirits to the medication but i have had some weight loss and my skin is broken out and there’s something going on my lips i am yeah anyway i’m not dead there’s light at the end of the tunnel even if it is an oncoming dream so yeah once i’ve been to my counseling and stuff

I will update again but keep the faith if you’re on oxygen or any other kind of ssri antidepressant josh remember you’re not alone you’re not alone and whatever brought you to being on those tablets you know you’ll be able to deal with it at some point in your life you need to deal with it and i’m terrified i’m absolutely terrified of facing my demons but i know

What if i don’t face my demons i’ll be on tablets for the rest of my life and once i face them and once i’ve learned how to deal with them i can flip the birds to the tablet and thank them for attrition in the blow until i bought better if i get back so much i’m sure about anyway rambling see y’all again student thanks again for the messages at the one by

Transcribed from video
Fluoxetine (prozac) Month three! I'm going for EMDR By Simela Symeonaki