January 26, 2023

My Love.Life.Live diaries

Hi guys my name is bernadette and i am going through depression anxiety and a couple of other things apparently so i figured i wanted to start a blog or maybe make a couple videos on my journey dealing with a depression the types of medications are putting me on did a lot of research and look at videos and stuff and i mean everything seems to be a little outdated

Or there wasn’t really enough videos you know with people actually i’m following up whether on a weekly or bi-weekly or monthly or kind of updates and it’s kind of nice to know i guess that other people are going through the same thing that i am maybe not the same situations but i think it’ll be a little comforting to kind of share my story and maybe hopefully

Help myself in the process and other people my first video is gonna be a little long i guess just because i’m gonna give you guys an intro a little bio about what’s going on today is actually day two of being on my prozac i believe which i’m actually on the generic version of it you know – they started me off 20 milligrams for the first five days and then i will

Move up to two pills which is 40 milligrams twice a day yesterday was my first day which was a little rough i did have nausea i did didn’t have much of an appetite after taking it and i did get some dry mouth usually the first week or so is kind of a tough one for me on changing my medication i’ve never been a person to actually ask for help or take medication so

This is this is something that’s kind of hard previously i’ve been on a couple other medications most recently prior to this when i was on cymbalta for never march about three months and it worked great at the beginning but this last month it’s just not really cutting it for me anymore and not only that but i’ve actually gained about 30 pounds in two months while

Being on cymbalta so i needed to make some changes because if it’s not really helping me then my doctor needs to find something i guess that works for me a little bit about the history about what’s going on i’ve been dealing severely with the depression i guess for the last four or five months severely but the depression itself i guess it’s been a couple of years

I think to me what is causing it is mainly the pain that i’m going through on a daily basis so i a year later about our twelve months later i’m here seven surgeries down in a year i’ve had back surgery knee surgery multiple times throughout this last year and its really taking a toll on me so and and it’s funny because i’ve never like i said been one too should

We look for medication or look for help i hadn’t talked to my husband about it but when it first started it was just like he is maybe changed things that you don’t like about yourself or things that are making you sad and just you know just don’t think about it you would always tell me just distract yourself just distract yourself there’s only so much that you can

Actually do to kind of distract yourself from how you’re feeling i know for him you know some or somebody that hasn’t really dealt with depression they don’t really understand it but you know i spoke pretty blunt about it to him in kind of honest and i told him some mornings i just don’t want to wake up some mornings the pain a you know it’s just unbearable that

It’s just it’s just hard i mean i don’t want to die but i just don’t want to be in the life that i am right now and it’s sad and it’s sad because i don’t help my family so my family doesn’t really know what’s going on it’s just really my husband we do have two boys who i kind of you know they know i’m sick but they don’t know why or what’s going on so yeah it’s

Been pretty hard the last couple of nights switching from the cymbalta to this medication i have been like crying a lot and it’s just i think to me the thing like i said it’s causing all my depression is really just a pain i used to be a runner i used to be active i used to you know be able to pick up my son and play with him and just do things even if it’s you

Know sit for longer periods in 30 minutes or go for a walk or go for a run not used to eating my stress reliever and over the last couple of years i just haven’t you know been able to do any of that to me what my depression feels like it’s like if i have when i started going through what i am you know it felt like if i had an 80 pound rucksack on my back 24/7 and

You know at first it’s okay i can do this it’s hard afterwards you kind of get used to it but then you start adding little things to here and there you know another surgery or maybe you know i don’t know another class or you know maybe you’re having issues at home or finances and you’re just kind of adding a little more weight and more weight and yes you kind of

Get used to it you kind of work around it and you know i’m pretty optimistic and people that work think of that i always have my together and you know i’m always with a smile and the happiest person and people you know don’t know what you’re really going through you’re the only one so that that’s kind of what it feels like to me and then you know a lot of the

Times when i tell people or like my husband or something they just make it seem like i’m crazy or you know like it’s not that big of a deal or you know and it kind of sucks and that’s why a lot of people just keep it to themselves you know because people don’t understand tast and like the gravity yes you can change things yes you can work around i mean yes you

Can be positive but you know you can only take so much as well and some days are good and some days are bad you’re just you’re just on that roller coaster and to me honestly i have a high tolerance for pain when i first had my accident who was during a ruck march and during that ruck march i my patella popped out of my socket i tore my acl i ended up with six

Herniated discs in my back and an annular tear in my lumbar region so that’s kind of you know what started my whole thing with me um and you know i do have a high tolerance for pain i ended up finishing you know my 13 miles that happened about four or five miles into my ruck march and i finished the rest of it with everything that had happened and all my injuries

And you know i i just didn’t want you know being for females in my unit out of the rest of the males i just didn’t want to give up i didn’t want to say hey i can’t do this or whatever and i didn’t realize the extent of my injury when i fell um so it’s kind of you know not an option for me to say hey this is hurts and i’m just gonna give up and not try anymore so

I do have a high tolerance for pain but it’s just at this point it’s getting pretty bad and when you deal with pain strong pain 24/7 getting worse and worse and worse and worse see you know you’re just mentally physically emotionally just tired some other people may have other issues that affect a marriage issues finance issues you know that may be causing their

Depression everybody has different experiences and is going through something different but you know my diaries are gonna consist of my journey dealing with my depression and how the medicine is kind of helping me and if it’s worth it or not i am not a licensed medical person so i mean this is strictly my opinion and how it’s working for me day two being on the

Medication i feel better i still feel sad i still feel like crying i still feel a little hopeless i still feel not myself but it does take about four to six weeks for the medication to work i just want to find something that works for me and maybe have i know i’m see my doctor in a couple of days to see if i’m gonna have to have another back surgery so let’s see

How that goes but so far today to being on my antidepressant is okay i mean i mean it’s better than feeling like crap but not getting out of bed and just not wanting to deal with life so welcome and i hope you enjoyed my video and i look forward to letting you guys know or understand you guys how it’s going for me alright well y’all have a good day bye

Transcribed from video
Fluoxetine(prozac) day 2 By hey