March 22, 2023

A video about the SSRI antidepressant Citalopram (Celexa) – I talk about how it helps with my emetophobia and all of the many side effects it contains.

Hello there this is a video about the ssri antidepressant citalopram i will be talking about what effect citalopram has on me personally how it helps my emetophobia anxiety intrusive thoughts and i will be going into detail on all the many side effects and how i have found ways to deal with them this is the first time i’ve ever been on any medication and i

Thought it might be helpful to document this for anyone wondering if medication is the right choice for them this is also my own personal experience everyone works differently on different medications so i can’t guarantee that cytalopram will work for you it should be said that medication was always an absolute no for me i had been recommended it before during

One of my rock bottom phases but because i had heard about medication giving you nausea and because i’d had such a horrendous time with the contraceptive pill seeing my emetophobia story part 2 i was absolutely positive that i did not want to take it however down the line after my second rock bottom i saw things differently see my metaphobic story part seven

And i eventually decided on taking medication just to see what would happen should also be noted that i did absolutely no research before deciding on the medication i wanted to try my cousin was on medication so i wanted to try hers and she seemed to be doing really well on it funnily enough though when i went to the doctors to get my first prescription i

Couldn’t remember the name only that it started with ac my doctor prescribed me cytalopram so it turned out that my cousin’s medication was actually centrally but it turned out for the best anyway they usually say it takes around one to two weeks from when you first take the medication for the pill to start working i knew that it might be tough but i decided

To hunker down and weather out by staying inside my home for as long as it took i experienced various symptoms but all of them were very manageable and every day i had something new so it wasn’t like i was stuck with the same horrible thing in general i just kind of felt a bit icky or fluid i would also recommend avoiding triggering situations during the

Adjustment period just because my intrusive thoughts were crazy bad when i left the house before i was ready anyway all together it took exactly 13 days and then the meds kicked in what does cytalopram do for me i say for me in particular because i am very aware that every person’s experience on medication is completely different what is bearable for me could

Be unbearable for others i know two other people who have taken the same pill and one had violent nausea and headaches and the other had massive weight gain so just something to keep in mind i feel very lucky that i don’t experience either my brain on the regular would experience two things at once intrusive thoughts and anxiety here’s what the medication does

For both anxiety so usually my anxiety is easily triggered and incredibly high to the extent that at my absolute worst i would usually feel like my brain was imploding or i was going insane what the medication does for me is bring down that anxiety which is incredible my anxiety that out of 10 usually runs at a level of 400 000 out of 10. i’m not exaggerating

This is personally how bad it felt has now been brought down to a more than dealable extremely safe five out of ten that’s as high as it will ever go i can try pushing it but it just won’t and because of that it means that i don’t experience panic attacks anymore it’s just not physically possible hallelujah and i’ll tell you why this lowered anxiety is a big

Deal what medication is and i have confirmed this with others is that it acts as a safety net rather than having bad episode after bad episode and falling down and down until i hit rock bottom with medication i can only fall so far and then the medication catches me and i get back up as an example off of medication if i was doing good being a normal human being

And then had a very bad episode say for instance a full-blown panic attack i’d fall down my intrusive thoughts would get immediately worse after that and it would mean that i’d find it very difficult and mentally terrifying to leave the house the next day it might take a week or two for me to be comfortable outside again if i had another bad episode a day or

So after again i’d fall even further my intuitive thoughts and anxiety would get worse and it would take me twice as long to recuperate maybe a month i’d just go down and down and down on medication is very different firstly bad episodes are actually rare but if i have a very bad episode i recover so much quicker and when i say quicker rather than a week it

Would take me maybe 15 minutes half an hour i’d fall down after the bad episode but then with the medication immediately bounce back going outside the next day wouldn’t be a problem i wouldn’t even think about it what’s interesting is that it affects my anxiety as a whole so not only does it make myemitophobia so much easier to deal with but other scenarios that

Would induce anxiety and now not a problem again i just bounce back also you know coffee that thing that people with bad anxiety avoid because it’ll only make things worse because it increases any anxiety you have not a problem i can now have coffee whenever i want no anxiety there is a downside to that in that you don’t really feel like you’re getting all the

Coffee benefits rather it just kind of feels like you’re having a coffee flavoured drink or decaf but i’m content with it if i have coffee on an empty stomach i can also feel pretty out of it as in dreamlike and woozy but this quickly goes away when i eat intrusive thoughts on medication i still experience regular intrusive thoughts all day every day some days

They’re very quiet and non-intrusive and sometimes they’re incredibly loud and i have to pull up in my bedroom although these particular occurrences are actually very rare i kind of think of my intrusive thoughts like this i imagine i’m driving a car whereas before the medication my intrusive thoughts would be smeared all over the windshield coming in through

The window taking over the inside of the car smothering me all consuming i wouldn’t be able to see where i was driving the car would be careering everywhere i’d be screaming completely out of control etc now with the medication they’re still there but more often than not they’re packed away in the boot of the car i can hear them but they’re muffled and they

Can’t hurt me on stronger days they’re in the seat behind me i can hear them chattering away i’m more aware of them it’s a slight bother but it doesn’t interrupt my driving i’m still in control of the car occasionally i’ll have what i call medication blips and i’m still trying to work out what causes them at times like those i’ll have really really bad intrusive

Thoughts and they’ll be consuming and attacking of all of my senses as in every little thing is triggering on days like those i don’t really have much choice but to stay in the house and be in my safe zone as doing anything would be triggering and would only set off more intrusive thoughts luckily as i say days like these are very rare and they usually only last

24 hours when i wake up the next day everything is back to normal and my head is lovely and quiet i bounce right back now hold your horses don’t get too excited it’s not a happy pill and there are quite a few impressions to being on medication i am referring of course to side effects specifically the side effects that i personally experience again someone

Else could have a totally different experience my side effects i will preface this by saying that the side effects i have are personally stealable i can deal with them just fine and through keeping medication journal absolutely do this it will help so much i’ve found ways to cope with each side effect to help make things easier i’ve become so accustomed to them

Now that i barely even notice them they’re just a part of me right prepare yourself restless sleep so much so that i almost always remember my dreams so it never feels like i’ve completely gone to sleep sounds fun but it’s not the greatest my dreams are always stressful confusing and basically a big smush of everything i’ve been thinking about it can also

Get a little confusing because occasionally i’ll dream about doing something say for instance replying to someone’s text and then i’ll do it in real life because i’ve forgotten that i’d only reply to it in my dream my way of combating my rest of sleep is taking my pill around 6 7 p.m and making sure that i don’t have anything sweet before sleep also using an

Acupressure mat for half an hour before bed makes my sleep much deeper also no naps i love a nap but it absolutely makes it worse distressing vivid dreams occasionally i can get very distressing dreams to do with my worst phobias being sick and spiders in my dreams sometimes i’m sick sometimes it’s someone else however with the help of my medication diary i

Realized that i would only have these dreams if i was hungry before bed something about having an empty stomach seemed to provoke the medication when i was asleep and associated it with being sick my way of combating this is to eat something right before bed i usually go with a piece of toast just as long as my belly isn’t grumbling problem solved no distressing

Dreams hungry anxiety this is more of a recent discovery i do get anxiety blips now and again where it feels like medication isn’t working and suddenly my intrusive thoughts are real nasty and distressing my anxiety pings up and i start to get pitchy again the only reason i get these blips though is because i’m hungry explains the bad dreams doesn’t it as soon

As i have something to eat everything goes back to normal and i’m fine again problem solved loud thoughts i had these particularly during the medication adjustment period my thoughts were so loud and the songs that got stuck in my head would be playing at full blast i remember one evening when they were particularly loud and i had we are the champions playing

Inside my head at full blast as if i was literally at the concert stage surround sound speakers blasting and on looking for hours so that was interesting my thoughts now are still loud but once the medication leveled out they went to a medium volume so not as loud as the freddie mercury night but much louder than they should be i found it annoying at first

Because i never really had any peace but honestly i’ve just gotten used to them now i can’t actually remember what it used to sound like before they were loud and to be optimistic it means i have a much clearer view of what my intrusive thoughts are saying jaw clenching not much to say here other than i have it almost all the time and have to make a proper

Effort to remember to unclinch acne not what i was expecting but it’s stealable before medication i was lucky enough to have very good skin i barely ever got spots and when i did it was only one at a time so acne is not something i’m used to to be fair though it’s not the worst it could be loads worse and in that respect i still consider myself lucky i have

Clusters of them on either side of my chin and around my hairline and eyebrows my skin is bubbly and constantly has a charming layer of shine or sweat the only thing i would really recommend is lavender oil both washing your face with and neat on the spots when you see them coming up sex drive yep it’s like a car that’s difficult to start not completely dead

Luckily but takes a bit to get going great when you do get going though you can stop cringing now constipation so basically i’m always constipated the upside to this is that i have a window once a day sometimes every two days in which i can relieve myself if i miss that window though if i’m working or out and about that’s it i don’t get another chance that day

The only things that can help besides that is coffee or being nervous and now the best side effect of them all the one that wins everything depression hooray i’d never had depression before decking medication but now i know what it’s all about and my deepest sympathies to anyone who has to deal with it on a regular basis it is brutal so personally this is more

To do with the medication messing about with my time the month if you’re a woman medication is going to mess around with your time of the month just have that in mind every month is different sometimes it’s very heavy depression for three days straight sometimes it’s a slow quiet build up over a week sometimes all i can do is just lie on my bed and do nothing

Sometimes my brain tells me how ugly i am sometimes i feel impossibly lonely with an empty black hole of a void that no one will ever be able to fill yeah it can be nasty however it doesn’t last forever it always lasts two weeks exactly the week before and during my period and all i have to do is ride it out and wait for it to end that is my guiding light i

Remember that i’m a very positive person who loves my body and thinks i’m very cute and i wait for the depression to pass on the very bad days i also have chocolate and watch something that makes me laugh these are the regular side effects i’ve experienced as i say every month is different so i’ve had other bits such as medication high i love this next one

I had a few months where i had lots of blips of sudden overwhelming happiness like a coffee or sugar high but without all the anxiety and irritation just a pure shot of serotonin happiness my brain would become like a stand-up comedian and i’d find humor in everything i’d be giggly and excited and act supremely silly and i wouldn’t care a bit about how silly

I looked i referred to it as a medication high and i loved it but i haven’t had one in a long time now nausea the one you’ve all been waiting for i was just super elated to find out that this medication did not cause me nausea the only times i can get a little nauseous and again i found this out with the help of my medication diary is if i take my medication

Without food and if i don’t drink a lot of water straight after it so my way of getting around that is i always have my pill right after dinner and i drink a whole glass of water immediately after the water is very important i guess it’s just about getting the pill through your system as quickly as possible if you only take a sip of water or you lie down straight

After taking the medication or you don’t relax your stomach muscles it takes the pill much longer to get through your system and thereby creates nausea because it’s dissolving before it can get to where it needs to go this is a foolproof plan though since realizing this and changing the way i take the medication i’ve had zero nausea none and if i’ve done all

That and still gotten nausea i’ve just had a little bit more food and more water and i was fine hot flushes more of a recent one that’s what it says on the tin i get intense hot flashes occasionally if i overheat and i feel like a menopausal older woman i am 26 just to be clear depersonalization this one requires a bit of back explanation first so just taking

It back a bit depersonalization was something i dealt with all the time when i was at my worst off of the medication and i’ve noticed that it’s a symptom i generally get when i am enduring extremely high anxiety so to personally describe my experience with it it’s a moment that i suddenly get where it feels might sound a bit bizarre but i can’t think how

Else to describe it as though i’m trapped inside a flesh body i can move its limbs and i can talk through its mouth but ultimately i’m just stuck puppeteering this thing at the same time it feels like nothing i am witnessing in front of me is real like i’m stuck inside a 3d film my deep personalization would crop up at any time sometimes several times a day

When things were very bad and was extremely disorientating especially if i was in the middle of a conversation because you feel like nothing’s real so why are you still talking it only lasts about five seconds but within those five seconds it is so real that it feels as though life has always been that way so to compare on the medication i barely ever get the

Personalization that is amazing occasionally i’ll get a patch of it like maybe every couple of months but when i do get it it’s not as disorientating at all and i recover so much quicker from it it’s quite a bit isn’t it but to me it’s all incredibly doable it’s just part of my life now and like i said i’m so used to everything that i mostly forget that i even

Have side effects in my personal opinion from what i’ve experienced with cytalopram i am incredibly grateful and lucky that the medication helps me i have never ever been this calm and stable before and i wish that i’d gone on medication a long time ago again though and i can’t stress this enough this is just my personal experience with cytalopram and i cannot

Guarantee you the same results i know plenty of people who have gone on medication and hated it so please try it at your own discretion if you’re considering it it might do you a lot of good or it might make you worse good luck my metaphobics keep fighting and if you’re still curious feel free to ask me anything in the comments

Transcribed from video
Medication For Emetophobia: Citalopram (Celexa) By Emetophobia Help