December 8, 2022

Instagram: @14over14

Hi everyone hope you’re doing well i wanted to check in today to talk a little bit about antidepressants i’m still getting used to talking to the camera so i’m gonna find this like a little bit weird at first but i’m hoping that i can warm into it and talk to you guys about something that i think is really important and something that i believe is uh still a

Very taboo subject and even though it’s getting a lot better um i still feel like me myself and i struggled with the idea of having issues with my mental health and fortunately over the past few years i’ve started to see a real improvement in the way that people talk about these kind of things um but i wanted to kind of give you a little bit of an insight into

My journey and my experience and how i’ve dealt with it and where i’m at now really i’m hoping i can help some of you i know that when i was going to go on them or when i was thinking about going on them i went on youtube and i found it easier to get this information from people who had experienced it obviously this isn’t saying don’t go to your doctor though

Because that’s also something i did and that’s how i essentially got on the medication you can’t just you know turn up and go up and be like hey can you help my mood alright quick drink okay so firstly i want to say there’s a very big difference between mental illness and being not very happy sometimes here and there you know i um have always experienced

Difficult emotions i have been dealing with anxiety for as long as i can remember but it got really bad and it got to the point that if i got into this like a slightly uncomfortable position i would throw up and i would be panicking i would get the shivers i would be uncomfortable i would have to leave because i thought i was going to throw up like my stomach

Would just go and it would be awful in the most inconvenient of times as well i would just have this rush of like sickness and my head would bang i would be spinning i’d literally just my body would just take over and i would be out of control my mind wouldn’t be able to do the things i wanted it to do because my body has just completely shut down around me and

Um those are these are panic attacks it got to a point where i realized i needed to do something about it but it was only when i got into a relationship that i realized it was affecting other people as well um my mood swings my unnecessary rage over the smallest of things i just could not cope with a negative emotion it would send me off the grid and usually

As a single person i would just i would just close off and i would go away for a little bit until i felt better and that was it i would just start i would silence everyone and everything and do my thing and then come back to the world when i felt like i could actually handle it again um when you’re in a relationship you don’t really get that that choice because

You’re not just living for you now you’re living for another person that you have to respect and consider um and that really was the reason why i decided to seek professional help my thoughts on antidepressants before i went on them i thought that if i was going on antidepressants i’d have to admit that i wasn’t well and i’d have to admit that i was ill um and

I have a history in my family and maybe a negative attachment towards the idea of being mentally ill that i did not want to believe that i was um and that scared me a lot because i thought it was something to be ashamed of and i thought that it meant that i was crazy i wasn’t lovable i was a volcano and sorry i didn’t think i’d get emotional about this it

Makes me sad thinking about it because it just shows how much i really didn’t respect and love myself um bonkers i made the decision to go on these tablets i called my doctor and i said hey i’m i’m lashing out unnecessarily i’m freaking out i am taking the smallest thing and i’m going full with it and i was like like you i’d be i was so impulsive that i if

I saw something i wanted i would be like boom i need it right now and i’m going to get it and i was like charging towards it my mood would go whoa because i’m like hello this is the goal and i i would chase it i would become obsessed with it but not in a healthy way in a way that if i didn’t get it my world was going to change and i if i didn’t get something i

Would just and it it would it would completely floor me it would not do me good okay so i called the doctor in the end and i said hi doc i’m freaking out i need help they immediately went we’re gonna put you on search really and sexually and is a form of antidepressant that um is good for anxiety and ocd um i don’t think i really suffer with suffers the wrong

Word i don’t think i really had ocd i think it was the anxiety that i would had it for i went on these in 2021 and it was around the time that we were getting our injections for covid the anti jab i don’t even remember what they call them the clover jabs i was on 50 milligrams to start with and i took the 50 milligrams just before bed the same day that i had

Had my jab and i was up all night having this awful reaction to it and i was shaking i was like it was really bad i was like i felt like i was on cocaine or something i was literally like and i think i think it was because one i’d taken 50 milligrams from zero why i did that i don’t i don’t know i didn’t know that that was i didn’t know that i needed to take it

Step by step um so i went straight to 50 grams as a five foot one petite little girl not ideal and i’d also just have my cover jab so you know like i’m dealing with side effects from that as it is so i was just like bad i don’t know if that would be like that for another person but for me not fun so yeah for me that wasn’t a good idea i was not good that day and i

Thought what the heck is this and i knew that it was just i don’t know what i know it was actually to be honest i knew that there was side effects because i’d watched other youtube videos and i i’d learn about it myself so i was like okay this is normal um i didn’t think it would be that bad but i had to ride the wave nothing’s worse than feeling how i felt before

So i was like i’m gonna give this everything i’ve got here it took about a month of just headaches and not feeling so great and i gained a lot of weight as well which was great for me because i’m so small that i i actually wanted to so it was kind of a win-win yeah they’re the kind of they’re the kind of side effects i had i don’t know if i had anything major um

Yeah i think just headaches and gaining a bit of weight but really not i i wouldn’t call it like crazy amounts i think i also changed my diet i was eating a lot more i was exercising a lot more so i was putting on a lot of muscle which is ultimately heavier than fat so i think i gained a lot of weight for many other reasons other than just being unsaturated but

Yeah after a while the headache started to go it all another side effect actually that i haven’t talked about is that the level of drowsiness i felt i felt so sleepy i was always so tired i was always so tired and i know i honestly just needed to sleep all the time um yeah but i stayed on 50 milligrams for a long time and then i was still feeling really rough

For about like maybe five six months later i was like i’m still not happy i was a bit unlike comfortable with my circumstances and i didn’t really know what i was doing um and it made me nervous so i wasn’t very happy still so i thought that the best result for me would be to go a higher dose so in true ashley fashion i took it to the extreme and went straight

To 100. so i don’t even go to 75 i went straight to 100 from 50 and um i suffered really badly with nightmares i mean i suffer badly with nightmares anyway as it is but they got really bad like vivid and scary so it wasn’t long before i went back to 50 and i stayed on 50 for a long time i mean i said a long time it’s only been a year that i’ve really been on

Them now we’re in 2022 it was about probably the start of 2022 that i took it down to 25 milligrams um and i’ve improved my mood so much over the last year i’ve found that my mood hasn’t been like this it’s been more level and i’ve the threshold between the two has just kind of got a little bit less mad and i found myself still experiencing happy moments still

Experiencing sad angry moments but i have not been as irrational as what i was and it really taught me to just take things with a pinch of salt which is so hard to do if you can’t do that and i couldn’t at the time um however this medication did help me like you know see a bit of sense and not be freaking out at the smallest of things oh yeah where am i now so now

I’m i’m feeling good now i’m feeling really good i’m not ready to come off completely just yet i think i’m a bit scared of the person i was before i went on them um but i do believe a lot has changed since then in my life and i feel a lot happier with my life and the way that it is in comparison to how it was before so my circumstances have changed and i do

Believe that i don’t need to be on antidepressants anymore however i do not see the harm in staying on them especially when i know that it coming off them has as much side effects as like coming on them so i don’t really want the mood swings just yet i’m a bit scared to like rip the band-aid off i’m scared of how i’ll be in the long run i’m scared of how it will

Affect my relationships so yeah i’m gonna stick on 25 for now because i feel like it would be sensible and it’s a way of respecting myself and people around me um yeah but i see myself coming off them my main takeaway from this whole conversation and this whole experience that i’ve had is that when we have physical injuries we fix them with medication and i know

And i would be silly to think that i won’t have negative experiences that lead me to needing medication again and i’m willing to put physical and mental medication in the same category because i am one body and this body needs to function properly therefore if i’m having issues say for example i have children one day and my hormones go through the roof because

I’ve just given birth to a watermelon not a watermelon i’d be really worried if my child turned into a watermelon but you know what i mean the trauma that a woman goes through have it giving birth i imagine that i might need something to help me yeah i don’t know if this has helped anyone because i um have rambled a lot but i wanted to give you my experience and

I wanted to let you know that it isn’t a bad thing going on them and if you feel like you really need them then there’s no harm in it take advice talk to your doctor make sure you’re on the right thing i hope this has helped and i hope that whatever is going on in your life it does get better because i promise you it will it always does i’m hoping that this video

Will be one of the many that you get to watch and you can take what you want from all of them um along with talking to a doctor and a therapist because my god the therapists they know they know if you like this conversation and if you want to hear more about this i’d love to hear from you so do let me know what you think in the comments box or you can personally

Dm us i would be so interested in hearing your thoughts your experience um because you know we’re all humans on this earth and we all go through sometimes so it’s nice to not feel like you’re alone and then another cringey thing that i wanted to get off my chest if you do like what you’re seeing so far please do like and subscribe to our channel um and let me

Know what kind of content you’d like to see more of in the future it’s been a pleasure love to you all and if you are still here appreciate that um i hope you’re feeling good and i will chat to you guys soon okay bye how do you end this i just say bye i think just bye bye is good we’re gonna go bye bye oh dear

Transcribed from video
MY EXPERIENCE ON ANTI-DEPRESSANTS | Anxiety & Sertraline By 14over14