November 29, 2022

To manage postpartum depression and anxiety

Hey y’all i’m jackie and today i wanted to talk to you guys about my experience with medication specifically citalopram for postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety and just to give you all an idea of what i’m going to include in this video i want to give you guys a little backstory about my depression anxiety before getting pregnant what i experienced after

Getting pregnant how i decided to get on my medication how medication affected me immediately how it affects me today and what my plans are for the future with it so let’s dive in um so basically i’ve had depression and anxiety my entire life i just never really knew what it was so i didn’t really know how to diagnose it it wasn’t until i had my baby in a few

Months after my baby when my baby blues turned into something a lot more serious and i could no longer continue living the way i was living so my anxiety and depression before giving birth was manageable uh just to give you all an idea i am a yoga teacher i’ve been teaching for a few years i’ve been practicing yoga i practice deep breathing techniques mindfulness

Meditation journaling going to therapy i do all of these things that i’ve been able to manage my depression and anxiety but it wasn’t until after a few months of having my baby that these natural things that i was doing that worked for the last few years were no longer working and i tried everything possible you know went to a postpartum specialist therapist um

I tried cbd oil i tried to change my diet you know i tried all these things and nothing worked i couldn’t concentrate on anything i couldn’t make very simple decisions i was deeply deeply sad and extremely disconnected from myself which meant i was disconnected from the world there came a point that i was scared to be alone i was hurting so badly that i didn’t

Want to continue being in this pain and if that meant not living then that’s where my mindset was going so it was basically a life or death situation so i finally went to my doctor i got prescribed the medication i still wasn’t excited about taking medication but because i was in such a dark place i had nothing else no other ideas of how to get myself out of

The situation i started taking the medication luckily my doctor did warn me that the first couple of weeks would be really difficult and to really be mindful that if i had any suicidal thoughts to immediately call the doctor she also said that it would probably take about six weeks to really take effect and this is daily medication i’m not sure the dosage but she

Said it was the lowest dosage of cytalopram which i believe is um maybe generic for celexa i can’t remember i did the research a while ago and i can’t remember but anyway so i started taking that and the first week was actually worse that i didn’t think that that was even possible to feel worse than i did before taking the medication if you’ve never experienced

Brain fog it’s really hard for me to describe um but basically think about not sleeping for a week straight and not being able to concentrate on anything it was even harder to get out of bed it was so difficult for me to like pick up a pretzel and put it in my mouth it took that much effort i had to be really focused and there was it was just a major struggle

To do anything and before i felt really disconnected and numb but i was still feeling pain i was still feeling sadness the first week of taking my medication i didn’t feel a thing i couldn’t even cry and if you know me i am a huge crier i cry when i’m happy when i’m sad when i’m angry and i couldn’t feel anything i’ve always been a really emotional person so to

Be really disconnected from any emotion was bizarre and kind of scary so i felt like a zombie i didn’t know who i was couldn’t do anything but i remembered what the doctor said and was like okay i’m gonna keep going i’m gonna keep trying this so the second week was better it was still really difficult um i still didn’t feel like myself i felt like a shell of a

Human being like i felt soulless but i kept on going and i think it was about four weeks in that i felt a lot better and it was about six weeks that i felt like my old self and i can’t tell you how much of a relief that was that i the medication gave me my life back i was able to i was still anxious and had um you know moments of depression but because of the

Medication i was able to use those techniques that worked before meditation journaling therapy grounding practices breathing practices i was able to do all those things and pull myself up out of the downward spiral instead of just falling into the deep dark pit so i think i started taking medication in around september of 2019 um it’s now end of july 2020 and

I’ve been on it since then and to be honest when i first started started the medication i wanted to get off of it as soon as possible but that hasn’t happened yet and that’s okay kovid is happening and i quit my job i started a new job i’m taking care of a baby i’m still trying to feel at home in my postpartum body there’s been a lot of changes and i haven’t

Felt ready to take that step of coming off the medication so i’m happy where i am right now i do want to come off of it eventually and i’ll happily share that process if it happens hopefully it does eventually um but yeah my goal for the future is just to keep listening to my body keep doing what i’m doing keep checking in to see how i’m feeling and be really

Really honest and really honest with myself about how i’m feeling and if i need to up my medication i’m okay with it or i will be okay with it so when i’m ready in the future eventually i’ll come off of it but for now i’m just gonna take it day by day minute by minute and try to appreciate where i am today because honestly without medication i don’t know if i

Would be here and i’ve everybody that i’ve talked to really openly about this every person is different every kind of medication is different maybe you only need meditation maybe you only need yoga but please know that um personally coming from the yoga community where people do tend to judge western medication a little bit as i did at one point in my life if

That’s what you need take it this is your life nobody else’s and there’s not a one size fits all there’s not a one right way to do anything so if you are watching this and maybe conflicted about getting on medication please talk to your doctor talk to multiple doctors see a postpartum therapist or if you’re just experiencing regular anxiety and depression go to

A regular therapist um just be open-minded and know that your journey is going to look different than everyone else’s and that’s okay don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise so thank you guys so much for listening i tried to include everything that i thought would be helpful um but if you have any further questions i am an open book please reach out to me i’d

Love to chat if um if you’d like but if not thank you so much for listening and have a wonderful day and treat yourself well in whatever you do you deserve it namaste

Transcribed from video
My Experience with Citalopram By Jacqueline Cawthon