December 8, 2022

Update on my Sertraline journey. May 2018

Hey so i wanted to do follow-up on my search leaning journey and excuse the absolute max in the background it’s just been a bit crazy recently and okay so i am now generally very much april four months into taken sexually and to be honest i haven’t really felt anything for like the past four months like i have felt quite just flat if that makes sense and i’ve lost

All like emotions like if like for example if i started to feel angry well if i started if i was angry about something i would think about it but wouldn’t get like the normal heart palpitations and like the spiraling rage that i normally got which it’s been a bit weird kind of helpful but i feel like it’s muses everything for me like people beforehand that knew

Me knew that i was a very emotional person and there’s nothing wrong would be an emotional i think it’s just and there were certain situations that i just couldn’t handle it couldn’t control with like blame i couldn’t control my reactions and if i was upset i would literally feel so so ill and would really get myself like really very stressed and wouldn’t be able

To sleep would feel hot i would feel really horrible so i also like and i haven’t seen any other videos that say this but it completely killed a sex drive i literally didn’t want or feel the need to have any human connection like intimate connection to anyone like i was just well i am just like muta – it’s weird and i feel like now that it’s like four months and

Maybe it’s not the right one for me so i was a bit of an idiot and i think it was two weeks ago now i was like do you know what i feel better so i am just gonna go cold tacky and that was the worst effing idea i have ever ever had like as everyone does like you know when i started taking sexually and i googled what happens when you seek sensually in side effects

I went onto youtube and watched loads of videos of people’s different experience so i could like prep myself but i was kind of like i’m strong and i’m in such a better place of made loads of light different life decisions i’m just gonna go cold turkey even though people were saying don’t do it lower your dosage gradually wean yourself off of it no strong enough

Can continually go for it and for the best like three days of being cold turkey off it like the only real side effects that i had was just feeling really hot sweating a lot and and then like starting to have feelings like i’m the kind of person that would watch a video of i don’t know at lake i remember watching this video of circus woman that got dressed up in

This costume and went to it into us on school and surprised him and her best entities and i felt so happy that i felt like some sort of emotion again and i wasn’t a robot it was the best feeling ever but then on the i think it was on the fourth or the fifth day i started getting quite stressed just work really it’s tough nothing like ridiculous but just i just

Was felt completely overwhelmed and i just kept on crying and like i don’t i don’t know why i’m crying like i can’t i do i can’t deal with this feeling right now i’m sorry i can’t deal with this feeling right now and then like it quickly spiraled and i felt completely suicidal like i was waiting for the train and in my head i was just saying just just walking

For the train you don’t feel that anymore and like but i don’t thing is i don’t think i feel like that so i’ve got picks up from the train station and i just was sobbing uncontrollably uncontrollably my boyfriend was like what’s wrong what’s wrong and i was just like i don’t know he’s like why so sad i was like i don’t know like i literally can’t control what i’m

Feeling right now so had a talk with a doctor which to be honest wasn’t great because the two doctors that i’ve been dealing with lately know my history but this i couldn’t get a doctor’s appointments first price and mental health is an emergency issue apparently and so i had a telephone consultation with a doctor that’s never spoken to me before i spoke to swear

She literally wanted to get me off the phone as soon as possible and you know i had spoke to her and i was like you know i want to start coming off them because i feel like i’m in a better place and she was like literally like okay i’ll send you some tablets i’m sorry i’ll do a prescription for like two weeks where they’re tablets and then you know take one have

A rest day take one have a rest day thanks bye and i was just kind of like this is this is my mental health like i understand that is so like i’m not ungrateful for the nhs but like i just feel that when it comes to mental health i have to really really fight or like cry down the phone to the receptionist which i have done about three times in order to see someone

When i was having an absolute mental breakdown like it shouldn’t it shouldn’t take that what happens if one day someone picks up the phone and says hey i feel really mentally unwell and the person’s like the receptionist is like oh well we’ll get someone to call you that could be that could be too late and that makes me really angry and sorry we’re not on a tangent

Then but yeah so now art back on 21 25 milligrams are essentially now and i will be going back to the doctors and speaking to them about some forms of like counseling because i know that and last time i went they suggested that i could do cbt counseling but the like the waiting list is like six seven months i think but you know what like if i do it then at least

It’s one step closer to becoming like feeling better and just wanted to say really appreciate the comments that were left on the last post and i hope this one’s okay and i hope you’re all being strong and take care of yourself thank you babe

Transcribed from video
My Sertraline Journey 5 months on By Samantha Richards