In which Lauren discusses not being a lesbian while sitting next to Chelsea, who is a lesbian; tells stories about trazodone; and has a disembodied hand.
Hi guys so today is my day which is awesome i am not in my dorm room in case you couldn’t tell that i’m actually in st. peter minnesota which is by mankato because i just wrote to man kiddo to pick up this girl hi guys hey we like chelsea i’m also look at sunset first we’re gonna talk about how i’m not a lesbian or i might not be on something panromantic yes i
Think that’s what we’re gonna so we’re going on right now ok so anyway so you don’t know like usually if someone is gay they have to come out to their family i had to come out as straight because when i was little i really really liked boys clothes and boys things not penises um and just i really liked being boyish and acting like a guy and dressing like a guy and
You know i wanted to play football until i pense que ya no actually didn’t really change like 12th grade but you just um anyway but what was i saying oh ok so my entire life everyone just assumed i was a lesbian so i’m like legitimately when i was little my mom was sick me down and be like lauren you know that even if you like girls will accept you right and i was
Like yes mom i know and so like all through high school my mom like even when i was dating guys my mom would sit me down and be like lauren you know that if you like girls it’s okay you can just tell us it’s ok we’ll accept you and i’d be like yes mom i know but i don’t like girls i like boys and she’d be like oh okay lauren i believe you of course you like boys
And it was really obvious that no one believed me which is really funny so i’m still working on convincing my family that i like boys which is really funny because i’ve had two boyfriends one of which lasted well sort of two boyfriends duel yeah it’s close enough to being a boyfriend so now we’re going to talk about trazodone lauren which is chelsea’s favorite
Topic yes sitting on laurens foot yes yeah anyway so trazodone lauren is this thing that happens to me late at night i even insomniac so i have to take sleeping medication called trazodone and trazodone makes me go batshit and we are not even kidding she goes batshit crazy and i think that i need to text chelsea or if on that chelsea’s house i start telling her
Things for instance one night i was at her house and i started out telling her about this yellow gumball named clayton who had a face he wasn’t doing anything he just happened to exist and then i started telling her about my extra hard spaghetti and then i described in detail how i plan to go about giving a velociraptor an x-ray it’s true i don’t know how to do a
Velociraptor x-ray yep um and then i centered i’ll come to me if you need to know or army the throne i’m on trazodone because i don’t remember what i’d said um well i’ve also sent our texts that are very interesting for instance last night will not last night the night before at one point i texted her with who’s down for some lesbians playing frisbee and also i
Have it right here those little things that might be pokemon that look like hot dogs that are always giving are everywhere in my head but they’re not giggling i don’t even know what to say there’s also a text that was it was complete gibberish but i am not a mite just unreadable completely unreadable but we figured out that what i said was something along the
Lines of how do flamingos get ostracized is there a flamingo council that decides these things yeah i don’t even know what else to say i told her i’ve told her that i go up north when i cook and then oh we have we read earlier notes from my phone where i wrote notes about random people this is awkward theaters old hug anyway the way i wrote about was thinking i
Bet they think i’m batshit anyway i wrote notes about what i was thinking of one of the things that i wrote notes about was rice krispies eminem fountain and then there’s another one that said or airplane equals red killer whale writing the other airplane which basically i remember it being something along the lines of there were two airplanes flying in the sky
And they’re about to crash so one turned into a red killer whale and just started riding the other one i think that’s about all i’ve got for you right now chelsea and i are going to go back to my beautiful pink oldsmobile octavia and listen to equal dozen years ago
Transcribed from video
Trazodone Lauren is Not a Lesbian. By wallspaghettis
