March 22, 2023

Trazodone depression recovery

Hey everybody so i’ve got depression medicine for about a week and it’s not working like perfectly it’s working a little so some of you kind of know what had been happening with me couple weeks ago sorry but look boss um i’ve i’ve been just going through a lot i started on a medicine called trazodone at night they didn’t give me anything like during the day or

Anything i’ve had real bad depression and like i’m still i’m still helping everybody like i’ve helped a lot of people this week and i’m always there for everybody but i am into yours almost every day and i think a lot of it comes from um just mostly just my very disappointing personal life i have i just feel really lonely most of the time and that’s hard i have

A lot of friends like i’m surrounded by people i’m surrounded by like hundreds and hundreds of people sometimes i feel very alone so finally you i went and got i went to a hospital and they gave me a prescription 400 milligrams which i was it on tonight and i miss taking it yesterday not last night the night before and i saw the difference like i woke up just

Completely like torna and um i took it again last night and it it’s helping son i feel really numb it doesn’t mean that i don’t have feelings my feelings are just none um i i helped a lot of people some of you know that and probably people were like why do you help people why are you constantly helping people i help people because the emptiness iphone side is so

Huge and some of you guys know that i lost a child 11 years ago and um his father was very mean to me like he physically beat me up and did a lot of really crazy bad stuff over a long period of time and i was not able to get intimate with anybody i wasn’t able to get close to people i wasn’t able to trust people and i think what’s happened with me is it every

Single person that i’ve had some level of trust with and i’m talking about relationships hasn’t been truthful and i think because i want to have sincere people in my life because what i meet people or i talk to people i always tell them everything like i never like not tell them everything that’s going on and it’s just happened to me a couple times where people

Have been dishonest with me and i’m not really sad about that it’s just kind of like what i said earlier um i don’t want to be like i am anymore and i’m not a cold person and i’m not a person that easily gets over stuff i never hurt other people i never like do things that like try to hurt them i try to be genuinely kind to betty sometimes i don’t feel like it’s

Returned and what i’m going through right now is i’m just trying to be okay like i started on medicine a week ago and i’ve just been trying to go to work i went to work yesterday i’ve been doing like all the stuff that i normally do to help people but i’m really empty you know i’m stan like i’m going through um just a depression that it doesn’t seem to be handy and

I don’t know things i need are not material things i need are not what people need i think i’m just missing the human connection and for some people that’s not a big deal they can kind of money it out of their lives it can i can’t and i kind of wish people were more like replaceable like if you care about people i wish they would be more replaceable you know any

Like this person hurts you immediately to the next person and they can fix it i don’t like and that’s been a real problem they make us all over the place i don’t know if i’m ever gonna be okay and that really scares me and i think the reason i’m talking about it so much don’t talk about i don’t want to live my life like i don’t want to live my life not cooking

For somebody i love my kids so much so much and i live for that but i don’t have anybody loves me for about 14 years the last person i loved 14 years ago and that’s a long time to live in women life not having buddy call you in the morning baby okay love you i don’t know if i’m ever gonna have a normal life and there’s no fixing it there’s no money that can fix

It there’s no flying around that can fix that there’s no trusting that’s just something that has to happen and unfortunately it hasn’t happened for me you know and i think i’m broken you know i i used to think that if i got busy enough it wouldn’t feel broken rd i don’t want to be the girl sitting in the cemetery i don’t want to be the crop people sorry i just

Want dignity and my life where i matter where my life is worth something they worry about me and i care i don’t have that i’ve friends and i love my friends but it’s not the same it’s really being a month and you know it’s terrible it’s um i understand all this i understand today but i’m supposed to be strong i understand that i’m not that person for anybody but

I should have did it you know i didn’t hurt anyone even people that have really hurt me i’ve never hurt people back so anyway this is day i don’t even know what date i got on the meds because i can’t remember which day with the hospital i think it was like a week ago it has helped me somewhat um because i was really in a lot of trouble about two weeks ago and the

Bad thing is i’m so broken now that i think that even if i had a chance to start my life again i don’t think i could and so this week i helped some up to one of my all join friends with a look a lot of really heavy stuff as long as i’m constantly doing things for people and i’m like a mission to save people or do things i’m okay but when i’m alone with myself i

Start to question like why i start to question things anyway september 8th is my son’s birthday so our 19th he died so every september 8th in the nineteen by try really hard to do everything to do for other people i try to stay busy that when i’m alone with myself i just feel so alone you know i feel very lonely and i don’t know how to fix it you know it was really

Crazy because when i was in algeria i was kinda hoping i would dive in here so i could be buried you know now i’m back in america like thousands of miles away and i’m just not even sure what i want to do with my life right now i’m just trying to get feeling better you know so i can manage things but it’s day by day by day by day i’m still doing a lot to help the

Eldradimon can give me anything i’m always trying out people but i can’t help myself and i just want to feel better you know i wouldn’t feel better i’m taking meds i just want to feel better and i’m not feeling better it’s not getting better so if sometimes i’m a little bit emotional or sometimes i talk about stuff it’s just because i’m carrying a lot of things

And i’m carrying my son with me i never got to be that person i never got to be that loved person and i just put all this love on everybody else but i couldn’t i couldn’t have it myself i’m just believing that you know i’m grieving a lot of that i’m grieving i didn’t get to be that amazing girlfriend or wife i didn’t get that chance and i’ve met like a bunch of

People i mean people say they like me but it’s just it’s been hard because when i’ve made the connection it didn’t work could i just i’m suffering really suffering i just want to feel better i don’t want to feel strong and i want to feel like i couldn’t get my life back and work hard and travel and you have me again and i just want to have my life back it doesn’t

Seem like it’s coming i know it’s gonna take a while for the medicines that i take to work i know it will take a while maybe it’s gonna take a couple of weeks but it’s been the hardest i mean i have been through a lot i went through a lot after my son died and can i held it all inside and i was strong and i took care of my kids and i took care of everybody and i

Am always trying to care for everyone sometimes i don’t feel very strong you know sometimes i feel so weak so if i ever do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing or i’m not there for people or i don’t answer people or it’s just cuz sometimes i can’t even be there myself so anyway i love you guys a lot and you were supporting me when you do i don’t need anything

The things i need are not things that anyone can give me i just have to work through like all this i’m going through and let them happen love you

Transcribed from video
Update after a week on trazodone for severe depression.100 mg By algerianhistory